All week I have felt frozen, which is odd since the temperature outside has been over ninety degrees. That may not sound very hot for those of you in the South or West, but here in the northeast the combined heat and humidity cook up into a gloppy, simmering soup. And still, I feel frozen in time—like a fairytale girl immobilized by the Snow Queen—unable to see the summer’s beauty all around me, not wanting to really participate in life. My friend Carla reminds me that part of me really is frozen: 11 million of my stem cells are in a baggie, in deep-freeze in the Dartmouth hospital awaiting my sister to be well enough to receive the bone marrow transplant. And until those cells thaw, and like a spring river awaken and rush into my sister’s bloodstream, I will feel this hovering, anxious suspense. I try to rouse myself out of my mood, but that just makes it worse. And so I let the Snow Queen have her way with me; I let go and feel what I feel; I trust that one day soon I’ll rejoin the joyful In the Hans Christian Anderson tale, the evil Snow Queen has a mirror that distorts the appearance of things. The mirror fails to reflect all the good and beautiful aspects of people and the world, while it magnifies what is bad and ugly so that things look worse than they really are. Those who are captured by the Queen fall under her negative spell and become cold-hearted, fearful, and barely alive. In the tale, a boy is stolen and frozen by the Queen. His heart turns icy; his vision turns dark. Eventually, the girl he loves finds him; her innocent tears and faithful love melt the boy. Once again, he feels warmth and joy moving in his blood. The two escape and return home. My sister was rushed to the hospital twice this past week for a high spiking fever. But she has an indomitable spirit, that girl, and she’s feeling better. If she can maintain her health she’s slated to begin the transplant regiment in a week. So, Snow Queen, I’m not long for your frozen landscape, your distorted mirror. Half the journey home is remembering that I am seeing the world through your mirror and not through the lens of truth. I know I’ve been abducted by your fear and negativity, but I also know I’ll be rescued love—my own love of life. My cells will come out of deep freeze, my sister will begin her healing journey, and we’ll both come home.
Posted on: Sat, 13 Jul 2013 16:32:32 +0000