Alright. I hate to be that person that vents over Facebook, but this REALLY needs to be said and its something thats been TEARING at me since I got sick. The number of friends that Ive lost because of this illness. Because of everyone except a small number of people that I can count on one hand seems to either not be able to accept this, or because they have NO clue what exactly is happening inside my body. This is CANCER. Not some flu. Fighting for my LIFE. Not some BUG. Yes. I go MIA frequently. You all want an explanation. Because you dont understand. Fine. Here it goes. Yes Im tough as hell. But chemo isnt about being tough. Its all about mental strength. So yes, I NEED everyone to understand at this point instead of turning their backs on me when I need them most and treating me like absolute crap for feeling like Im turning my back on them. EVERY treatment I go through, Im very positive, but it doesnt change the fact that for at least a week after I cant eat much because my stomach is in somersaults that I cant control. Its not cause by something that tums or bread or ginger ale can placate. To add to it my tongue swells and my tastebuds feel like theyre exploding, making it even more difficult to eat. As for why it seems like Im never there? Despite the fatigue I feel EVERY day, sleeping is the one way that I can run from it all, I dont have to feel the pain and discomfort. For those of you that know me, you know Ill do anything to get out of taking medication if I dont need to. Im literally being POISONED to save my life. Why would I further poison myself when sleeping and removing myself from the rest of the world temporarily is a healthier option? I mean as my friends, isnt that something that you would want for me? It breaks my heart that I even have to be saying this right now. That I have to EXPLAIN something so difficult for me to even just have to live through, when I should have your support and understanding unconditionally if I was as close to you as you say I was. No I cant be the friend I was because of what Im going through right now. But how can any of you expect me to be knowing that Ive literally been fighting for my life for nearly 6 months? How some of you turned your backs on me knowing that? I would never have done this to any of you. I just thought youd do the same for me that I would for you without question were the roles reversed… That being said, I apologize to those of you who this wasnt directed toward but I had to get this off my chest after the months of frustration..
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 00:50:04 +0000
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