Alright so I know everyone is worried, especially after seeing either my mom or my brothers posts, and everyones gonna find out eventually so I might as well tell yall what happened right now. Dont freak out, dont be worried, just be glad Im better and I feel a heck of a lot better and for once I kinda feel like things are gonna get better. The reason I was in the hospital today was because yesterday I pretty much gave up. Ive had a deep sadness in my life ever since school started basically, much of which was, at first, caused by a social phobia I have. Since I didnt end up going to my base middle school but decided to go to my base high school, Centreville, I barely knew anyone and I was scared to go in every day and afraid to be around people, especially when most of those people were not the kinds of people I would ever want to hang around and I only knew about 2 people per class (each one about 20-30 people). Something happened one night in November, and I almost committed suicide. I was going to overdose on over the counter medicines and I felt so hopeless and everything seemed to suck and life just sucked. But something inside of me (I believe it was either God or the Holy Spirit or Jesus or all three) told me to talk to people, to those I knew cared about me, and I did. And they helped me through it that night. The rest of the week I skipped school and I got pulled out of the high school and I started homeschooling, because of my social phobia and also because it was bringing me down so much that I almost killed myself. After that, it was a struggle and everything seemed to suck for a while and it was getting better and I thought I might have been out of it. I was not in the Word, as I should have been, and I knew it too but I didnt want to because things seemed to be getting better and I didnt make time for Him and the word, which was the dumbest thing I could have ever done. Sunday night I got into an argument with my parents which kinda triggered my depression again and all monday I was crying and upset and I just gave up. I almost committed suicide yesterday. My mom was deeply worried and she scheduled that I go to the hospital and so we went and they helped me and were scheduled for therapy and again everything looks like its going to get better, and I feel so much better. However the difference between now and before is that now I know that I need to be in the Word, because God is my strength and He saved me and Ive been very ungrateful for the one who has given me life and given me strength. My brother, Gus, is a huge encouragement to me and so is Scott and Lane and everyone else who encouraged me along my struggles and Im extremely grateful for everyone who cares about me and tells me that and loves me. Please dont worry, Ill be fine, I promise :) Prayer would be extremely helpful, please pray! Thank you Lane for showing me Psalm 61: Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. 2 From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 3 For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. 4 I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.[b] 5 For you, God, have heard my vows; you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name. 6 Increase the days of the king’s life, his years for many generations. 7 May he be enthroned in God’s presence forever; appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him. 8 Then I will ever sing in praise of your name and fulfill my vows day after day. I thank God that Im alive and that He saved me from being an idiot and doing something stupid. But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect 1 Peter 3:15 This is the reason I have hope. Because God saved me and because I can sense His presence and I know that Hes alive, and I will never give Him up.
Posted on: Tue, 01 Apr 2014 18:55:23 +0000
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