Although I’m typically the quiet and private type of person, I thought I would tell you about how Bonnie and I manage to get through each new day, knowing that Aiden has been forever changed. I found this quote on a YouTube video and thought that it really spoke the truth about what we think about every hour of the day. “I miss eternally the child she cannot be,” Pearl S. Buck, author of “This Good Earth” Each day Bonnie and I grieve differently. Someday there is sadness, anger, resentment, depression, and the almighty stress factor. Overall it is described as chronic sorrow. We take the good days as it comes and savor the days we see something new. There are the days that we wonder just how much more we can take. We worry about Aiden, ourselves, and each other. We worry about Aiden’s health and conditions, keeping ourselves healthy, keeping the housework up, and how we will pay the next bill that comes in the mail. Each day Bonnie will attempt to create a schedule of doctor appointments, home care workers, when to feed Aiden, when to give his medications, and when to change him (which she does a tremendous job of somehow handling it all) and trying to fit all of that into the day while trying to have some personal time for ourselves. The isolation that is felt because we cannot always attend celebrations or other events because either Aiden cannot participate, or because there are appointments to attend to. One of the big things that is hard to cope with is managing “the system” of insurances, social security, and all of the other assistance that is necessary. Who to call for this or that, and then being told that they do not handle it; then hearing that same thing from the person you were referred to from the first person. These are all things that we never thought we would have to worry about when having our first child Aiden. Even thinking who will be there to take care of Bonnie and I when we are old. If you think of all of the grand dreams of having a beautiful child, and imagine the life you’d share with them. All of the things that seem so little. Think of watching your child going to his first day of school….. and his last day before graduation. Placing that annoying bumper sticker “My child is an honor roll student” on the car. Watching him catch his first fish and squirming with the worm. The proms and homecomings he would attend, seeing him off to college, and finding a soulmate like Bonnie and I have found together and getting married. What about the thrill of having grandchildren running around the house. Those are all of the “normal” things a parent thinks of. A lot of those dreams Bonnie and I will never be able to experience. We will experience some of those, just not the way it should be. I tell this to you not for pity, but that you may understand that when you see us smiling, that smile may only be a mask for how we really are feeling that day. To understand that if we are a bit “barky” towards you, that there is probably more going on than you may know and that we are just trying to work through it all. We are not being antisocial if an event cannot be attended; it is just that for whatever the reason we cannot be there. Understand that we are still processing a lot of what has happened to Aiden. Although there is a lot of sorrow, and a lot of worries, Bonnie and I cherish each and every new morning with Aiden. The new smiles we see, the sounds he makes, and the new movements he makes, brings us closer to knowing that the three of us will be ok. “Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5 Thank each of you for your caring and kind thoughts. Reading Aiden’s Facebook and seeing all off you that follow him helps to make our day better, just to know that we are not alone. https://youtube/watch?v=uqhCfHeNcxY&list=LLw31mqGH0jTJdtBN2nahauw&index=22
Posted on: Wed, 07 Jan 2015 21:40:22 +0000
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