An Open Letter to a Mother To the woman who just pointed me out to her daughter and said “don’t end up like her” quietly, yet loudly enough for me to hear her. I make the assumption that your judgments of me as a bad role model for your daughter come from my individualistic dress sense and my appearance in general. Trust me, you aren’t the first person to look at me strangely, or sigh at the way I dress, a representation of ‘youths today’, which disgusts you. You make your conclusions that, based on my appearance, I am a bad person- that I bring no good to society and that I’m just another troubled, rebellious youth. What I want to ask you though is this: why do my physical characteristics define my worth as a person? And why do you feel the need to enforce upon your daughter the idea that appearance defines a person’s true value? Does my side-shave, in your opinion, outweigh the work I do every day to ensure a better and safer world for the world’s poorest? Does the purple streak in my slightly-toned hair outweigh my university degree, the hours I give every single day towards a qualification which will allow me to work with those who attempt suicide in their recovery towards a brighter future? Do you believe that my brightly coloured, patterned dress means that in a moment of despair, I wouldn’t use my first-aid qualification to save your daughters life, or at least try my hardest? I am glad you want your daughter to be a dignified and respected individual, by all means; I won’t criticize you on that. But what I will suggest is that for generations, society has passed on a message that appearance and looks define the quality of a person, when really, what defines a person is their being, the things they do for others, and the things they do for themselves. I’m sure your mother, and her mother before that, passed on a message to be well dressed in order to impress those around you (and lets be honest, what they meant was “to impress gentlemen). But do you honestly want to continue the expectation by bringing the ideologies of a materialistic society upon her? Would it not be better to teach her self-respect so that she feels comfortable to express herself in any way she deems suitable without fearing judgment from the world? I ask you to let your daughter be free from the expectations forced upon her by society to conform to a cookie-mold idea of what she should be. Let her express herself, and by letting her do so, enable her to gain the strength to battle those who judge her with confidence in who she is- so that one day, when a mother like you points her out and says ‘never be like her’, she’ll be strong enough to know that she is beautiful the way she is, independent of what anyone else says. And in this, you, as her mother, will gain the peace that she will always have self-respect, because you taught her that no matter who she is, one person will always love her- her mum. I am sorry that you didn’t get the chance to meet me, to talk with me, or to understand that my visual appearance is an expression of the color inside me, the individuality I love about myself, and the great amount of self-respect I have for my body and the bodies of others, no matter what they choose to do with them. In love, with a mind-set of a less judgmental future, Melanie Bester, the girl you accidentally inspired.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Apr 2014 11:01:42 +0000
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