An open letter from my wife: August 7, 2013 This morning I am awaken to my husband’s call from the garage door “ I have a project for you” he announces. I am greeted in our kitchen with 3 baby birds. All three are loudly protesting their new nest-my husbands cupped palms. Which unknowing to them saved their lives from ending abruptly in our little dogs’ mouth. A new project to my already full day, I don’t want this responsibility, but as I look at their little mouths wide open maybe with protest maybe just wanting breakfast, something in me goes to work. It’s a strange form of motherhood. A primal instinct to protect and nurture that is almost painful to my soul. I know I don’t have the knowledge or the whereabouts to raise the little guys right, but they won’t survive on their own. I remembered seeing some birds in the garage the day before. They were cardinals, some of my favorite to watch as they frequently drink from the fountain outside my dining room window. Maybe if we put them back their real Mom will find them. Quickly we put them in a little bowl and settled them as close as we could to where Greg found them in the garage but high enough to be safe from our dog. It wasn’t long before the little high pitched screams were greeted with a more mature sounding chirp. There she was, the momma cardinal. Her body language was obviously unsettled. The mother in me could read the full gamut of her emotions-angered-petrified-relieved-scared-all while planning a safe escape for her little family. I know Greg would say I am way to emotional-its just her instinct, but I feel any other mother would agree with me. Greg left for work and the day began for this momma cardinal and me. She did all the work but my watchful eye and my heart was with her every step of the way. One by one she rescued her babies. It took all day, it was a slow process and honestly I’m not really sure how she did it. My presence made her job all the more stressful so I gave her as much privacy as I could. I think she may have taught them to fly one by one. I could hear them talking to each other from inside but could not see with out disturbing the process. I can only imaging the conversation…It’s ok sweetie mommy’s here, It’s all going to be ok, listen closely and follow my directions, I will keep you safe. Somewhat similar to conversation I have had with my own three children at one time or another. The day has passed and all is well with the cardinal family but for me it has stirred up some emotions. My motherly instincts are being put to the test as my oldest son leaves in one week for a yearlong move to India. I want him to stay in the nest (our little town) and be safe, within my reach. My love for this child in overwhelming, yes he is a married man 27 years old, but in my heart he is the one that made me a mother for the first time. He has grown to be my friend -but it is so much more that that. I am so proud of him and the way he and his beautiful wife Jaimie are living their lives. But like the momma bird, having them far from me and unsure of their safety is to say the least unsettling. I feel like the cardinal in many ways-I hope my body language isn’t as obvious but inside my thoughts and emotions are a crazy mess. As the day of departure closes in on us my calm demeanor is turning into a frenzy of emotions. I am a ball of nerves-fighting tears at every corner. I know where to put my trust-Jesus I need you now! I am reminded of Paul’s words: Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I need this verse to Be Mine! Guard my heart Lord. I know there are countless other mothers that have been where I am, sending their babies into the unknown. How do we survive having our hearts pulled so hard we can’t breath? Is this where God wants me? Is this when He shows me where my strength comes from? Is this His way of showing me He will be all I need? It is, I know this! As I realize that I feel my heart calm in His sweet presence. I don’t control tomorrow, but I have a sweet assurance that the one the does has it under control! Like the momma bird I have raised my children to a place of safety, they know how to fly and I have to let them. Their safety is in the Lord. He trusted me with them but ultimately it is me that must trust Him. That is where I find peace, not peace in the circumstances, God’s peace. Like the momma cardinal-I really don’t have control. Did she realize that any second I could have easily changed the outcome of her little family. I had the ability to destroy her plan for safety-but just as our God loves and protects us; my nature wanted the best for her and her babies. I’m sure as she watched my husband quickly snatch up her three little ones she was filled with fear and completely unaware he was saving them from the enemy (aka our little puppy). Oh Lord, please let me always be aware you want the best for my children. May I always put my trust in your ways and not my own limited view of their life. May you alone be their rescuer from the enemy we battle daily. Ben and Jaimie, I love you so much! May “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
Posted on: Thu, 29 Aug 2013 11:53:10 +0000
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