An upside-down flag is a sign of distress and crisis....a call for help. An upside-down tea tag? You are unlimited.....upside-down. Limits are a reality of our daily lives. This is the story of an experience that happened five years ago…An event that sparked a journey that led me to here to this month of meditation. This is a story about physical and mental limitation and This is a story about unlimited love and support. Our lives are our practice. I remember that I wore the faded lavender linen pants on April 29, 2009. I taught the 8:00 Gentle Yoga class at Saratoga Springs Yoga. The class ended at 9:30 sharp. Namaste. I had just enough time to lock up, grab a venti Awake tea at Starbucks and get to the Senior Center in Glenville to teach the 11:30 Forever Yoga class. I felt GOOD. After I locked the door, I remember turning to the east to feel the sun on my face. I walked west on Phila Street to Broadway, turned left and stopped at the crosswalk. A young couple sat on a bench. I punched the button and waited for the crossing light. The light changed. I stepped off the curb and into the crosswalk, protected by the white “it’s safe to walk” light. I was relaxed, confident, secure in my choice to cross Broadway. One step…maybe two. I heard the rumble of a truck. It’s funny but I only remember the next part of the event in the present tense. No worries. The truck is just waiting for me to pass so it can turn left. Another step…I hear the engine shift gears. I am aware of the size of the truck…BIG. I feel the vibration of acceleration. The truck is not going to stop. I turn away. Truck slams into the left side of my body. Spinning. Twirling. Whirling.. I have heard through eyewitnesses that I rose up, spun and landed on my feet. I remember kind hands helping me to the sidewalk. The emergency room doctors checked me out and sent me home to rest. And on the third day, I lost the ability to speak clearly. My mind pixilated like a digital image gone bad. Many doctors examined me but no definitive diagnosis emerged. Was is physical? Was it psychological? Yes....both/and.... I don’t remember much about the year following the accident . The outer journey -- my daily life -- was riddled with anxiety and frustration, anger and fear, confusion and vulnerability. And the inner journey? Each day I continued keeping a journal. Misspelled words, sentence fragments. I wrote the alphabet over and over. A reflection of my mind. If we had a family flag, my children would have hung it upside-down. On that April day, I was in the midst of a 1000 day meditation… A specific practice I requested from a beloved teacher. Many things were lost or jumbled in the year following the accident, but I completed the meditation -- without missing a day. Practice prepares us for those moments in life that we cannot anticipate. Those moments when we are “laid low by blows we are not expecting.” (Paulo Coelo) Somewhere, deep within my heart and mind, I took refuge in the practice and in my direct personal experience of God. A different God than the one of my childhood, perhaps. A presence of ever-present, unconditional love. Gradually my anxiety diminished and my mind cleared. My neural pathways regenerated and my brain healed. My ability to speak and write returned. I am grateful for the practice that sustained and nourished me. I am grateful to all of the generous people, known and unknown to me, who responded with loving kindness to my distress. You are a blessing in my life. Gratitude, Blessing, Loving Kindness has become the heart of my mediation practice. Our lives are our practice. A year later (April 29, 2010), I walked across that same street and wrote this poem. WESTERING Step westward. Dare to turn your back toward the east. Remember who you are. Leave the clean light behind. Abandon the chicken-scratching – the peck, the squawk, the twitter of the normal. Do the strong thing. Allow the path to unfold step by step. Stay true to the wise guidance of your heart. Embrace the energy of the sunset, the conscious vulnerability of your soul. Step westward. Wholehearted. It is a wildish destiny to walk across the street.
Posted on: Mon, 24 Mar 2014 11:06:12 +0000
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