> Analogies and metaphors found in high school essays: > > Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had > its two sides > gently > compressed by a Thigh Master. > > His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and > breaking alliances like > underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. > > He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from > experience, like a > guy who > went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse > without one of > those boxes > with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country > speaking at high > schools about the dangers of looking at a solar > eclipse without one of > those boxes with a pinhole in it. > > She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and > he was > room-temperature > Canadian beef. > > She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that > sound a dog makes > just > before it throws up. > > Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. > > He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. > > The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had > disintegrated because > of his wifes infidelity came as a rude shock, like > a surcharge at a > formerly surcharge-free ATM. > > The little boat gently drifted across the pond > exactly the way a > bowling ball wouldnt. > > McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a > Hefty bag filled > with vegetable soup. > > From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole > scene had an > eerie, surreal quality, like when youre on vacation > in another city > and Jeopardy > comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. > > Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair > after a sneeze. > > The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like > maggots when > you fry them in hot grease. > > Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed > lovers raced across > the grassy field toward each other like two freight > trains, one having > left > Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the > other from Topeka > at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. > > They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with > picket fences > that resembled Nancy Kerrigans teeth. > > John and Mary had never met. They were like two > hummingbirds > who had also never met. > > He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant > and she was the > East River. > > Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a > steel trap, > only one that had been left out so long, it had > rusted shut. > > > The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. > But unlike Phil, > this plan just might work. > > The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you > get from not > eating for a while. > > Oh, Jason, take me!; she panted, her breasts > heaving like a > college freshman on $1-a-beer night. > > He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame > duck, either, > but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from > stepping on a land > mine > or something. > > The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended > one slender > leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. > > It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing > kids around with > power tools. > > He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he > heard bells, > as if she were a garbage truck backing up. > > She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. > > Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had > forgotten to put in > any pH cleanser. > > She stormed into my office like a centipede with 98 > missing legs. > > It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you > accidentally staple it to > the wall.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 23:48:11 +0000
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