And now, a very, very shorth story of the happenings of my day, by Paul Escarcega So yeah, I got shat on my a bird today. By that, I dont mean that a British girl was figuratively shitting on me by insuting and demeaning me; I mean literally, physically, shat on by a real, flesh and blood, winged, feathered beast who apparently had it in for me for no good reason. Its true. Was coming out of a building, and as I took the first step out the door, BAAAAMM!!!! was bombarded like London by the Nazis in WWII. I was hit (luckily) directly on the shoulder, but one more inch the the left or right, and it wouldve been a bird poop-baptism right over the head. Yuck. Now, I guess getting shat on by a bird wouldnt be so bad if it was a little one, like a hummingbird, or a small sparrow, or a parakeet; but when I looked up the identify the perpetrator, I saw what had to be the biggest, fattest, foulest looking pigeon in the history of the species. In fact, Im not even sure it was a pigeon. I think it mightve been a large condor, or even one of those mythical Native American thunderbirds, fabled to swoop down and make off with small children for dinner. What a beast. I dont know what this jerk had against me. He was just waiting there, perched with his big condor/thunderbird butt hanging in perfect position over the eave of the roof, like a sniper. I imagine he even drew a deep breath before pulling the bird-bowel trigger, and took great satisfaction in watching my face go from confused to disgusted. Heck, maybe it wasnt me, personally, he was after, just Humans in general, which I kinda understand, and so, sometimes; you just gotta take one for the team.
Posted on: Tue, 04 Mar 2014 23:13:00 +0000
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