~And one more thing! not to forget all of the many posts, and prayers and thoughts and considerate helpful posts of support and blessings.. I appreciated every one of them, more than you all may realize...and all of the prayer going forth ... AND-- I ask you all to please continue to pray, and ask that it be fervently... as I have a task ahead of me... and am going to need supernatural intervention... My need (and prayer) is to be enabled, supernaturally --as I have tried and tried to let down my guard, my pride, my self protective walls, my tendency (after years of struggle) that seemed to become ingrained in me to fight back and protect me from pain.. (as when i get hurt or fear being hurt, I get defensive and angry) It is so deeply ingrained, I have walled of a large portion of my heart from God as well.. and He is who I need the most if I am ever gonna be able to soften and change and find peace and be who it is I need to be (and am called to be) --- I am more fearful of vulnerability in that regard than just about anything in this world... I am terrified of being betrayed, It is a fear of irrational proportions and this is what I specifically need prayer for.. as I NEED to be a peaceful sift and easy-going, kind and non-confrontational wife to come home to.. I need to let fear and small things stay small and not get blown upon my feelings realm into major proportions I need to bless and let things roll off of me, and leave them lying there at the foot of the cross... anyone who is a prayer warrior.. i ask you to please pray for me(us) and if anyone has any words of encouragement or admonishment (i need and welcome them... I can take anything i need to hear ... I am seeking a strong word, a forceful admonishment , a straight up and in my face word of indictment... whatever.. I am open and needing to hear from any mature women of God in this ... I need support. I wont be a leech or anything LOL... I just need whatever the Lord may put on your hearts to share with me (and I know there are a LOT of you out there... and a lot of you who could pass hti son if my posts dont reach across the span of my friends lists (and I know they do not... feel free to post or PM me or call! I have been isolated.. 10 plus years now. for the most part and more so , the last 6 or so.. and it has not been good for my heart, my spirit, or my marriage (or any other relationships for that matter) and I am so sorry , truly, to anyone I may have offended, overtly or inadvertently over those years... I need a radical heart change--a paradigm shift and prayer-- as I know the Lord works through His people and I need my connection with Him, and His love and care strengthened most of all. I am stripped to the bone, bereft and have been blind and a fool. Please, stand in for me, and anyone, please be in touch... I need to be a new woman by Friday... (seriously) I am an open book and am not concerning myself with any false humility or pride... I am who I am , and if some do not respect what I am doing, by airing my business here... so be it... I am calling out for intervention and the place I find most of my support is here, via this medium... and Ill take whatever is available to me and trust God is willing to and will bless it... My home number is 715-329-1093 and i would be blessed to hear form anyone who has a word for me. (or many words) :)
Posted on: Tue, 19 Aug 2014 03:48:45 +0000
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