And this nonsense that bullying our kids is engaged parenting, good parenting, good ol fashioned values parenting — the kind of parenting that puts the fear of God into kids, that leaves them ashamed and full of fear, yes, doing what their parents say but why? Why are they doing it? Respect? Admiration? Genuine trust? No. Fear. Fear. There is nothing admirable in that, people. There is nothing admirable or noble or impressive about using the fact that you are older, stronger and physically larger to force your kid into submission. You know what that is? Thats bullying. When we treat our kids a certain way because they cant fight back, were bullies. When we treat our kids a certain way because we physically dominate them, were bullies. When we treat our kids in hurtful ways because we have the power, we are bullies. When you publicly shame or humiliate your child, when you scream at them and shame or hit them, youre doing it because you can, because theres nothing they can do about it. “ „ Lets not sugarcoat this into something prettier: When you publicly shame or humiliate your child, when you scream at them and shame or hit them, youre doing it because you can, because theres nothing they can do about it. Theres an easy test for this: Would you do it to your best friend? Your husband or wife? Or do you only choose those weaker than you? Obviously we have the power in families, and we must use that power all the time. Kids arent our equals in power. Absolutely not. You know what that leads to? Entitlement. But kids are our equals in their right to a free, safe and respected life. They have a right to make mistakes and learn from them in a way that helps them grown as human beings. They are kids. They are smaller and weaker with less experience and virtually no power. If we abuse that, we are no better than bullies we claim to despise, and we will raise kids that mirror those power dynamics, finding underlings to mistreat, because weve taught them that that is what power is for: Abusing, manipulating and dominating others. When we can see the other side of power, that it can actually be used for guidance, empowerment and strength, well have arrived someplace new as humans. ~ Janelle Hanchett. (Excellent article! see link for full read in comments below.)
Posted on: Sat, 19 Oct 2013 05:35:30 +0000
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