Anger is a normal human emotion. It is as normal as sadness, fear, joy, or laughter. But in our society any display of negative emotion, especially anger, is unacceptable. Most of us suppress anger, or try to. Sometimes we become so good at suppressing anger that we no longer recognize anger in ourselves. So many of us are afraid to feel, afraid to express feelings, and afraid to have other people angry towards us. ...We can allow only so-called acceptable feelings to come through and then only with great care, constriction and trepidation. We tend to suppress the normal flow of anger “perversions”. Some of these “perversions are: “Putting it Down”, “Putting it off”, “Putting it on”, and “Diluting it”. Putting It Down” is the result of many years of practice. You are completely unaware that you had a feeling of anger at all A typical statement by one who automatically down their anger is: “Oh, I never get angry.” In the “Putting It Off” the idea is that if you delay anger long enough maybe it will go away. You consciously or unconsciously delay feeling anger and responding to it until the time comes when it will be safer to feel and to express it. A typical statement of this type of person is: “Why don’t I think of the right thing to say until it’s too late?” “Putting It On” that allows us, most of the time unconsciously, to remove anger towards ourselves, another person or event, that we are angry with, and place that anger on a person or event that is less threatening. In “Diluting It” the anger is usually felt, but every kind of intellectual rationalization is used to render impotent. Examples of dilutions are: “He must be sick.” “I know he can’t help it, so I can’t get angry with him.” or “I just do something else and the feelings go away.” Though some of us use one perversion more than another, we all combine them to some extent, as the various perversions are not mutually exclusive. Anger twisted into different forms will eventually poison one’s self as well as one’s relationships with others. This is especially true for the grieving parent. It is necessary to look at our own conscious anger at the death of our child and see how we have handled it. This anger, if it is suppressed can be the unknown stumbling block that will prevent us from healthy recovery. It is important that each of us look carefully at the progress of our grief to see what we are doing with our anger. We need to look at the very good possibility of suppressed anger. Recognizing suppressed anger involving the death of our child, towards others or ourselves is important. If we continue to suppress our anger involving our child’s death, not only will we not be able to successfully resolve our grief, but also it can manifest itself in physical, mental or emotional illness. The first step in the process of ridding ourselves of anger is awareness that we are angry, and at what or whom. The next is to ask ourselves if we can do anything to let the other know of our anger. Then we need to vent our anger. The best way to do that is to tell ourselves or the other that we feel angry with them. Remember—healthy anger does not hurt or become violent. It is only suppressed anger that gets out of control. Grief is not easy to resolve. Of the many manifestations of grief, anger is one of the most difficult to deal with, but it must be worked through if healing is to be arrived at. It takes time and work. Be patient with yourself, but keep plugging away and eventually you will work through your anger—and ultimately, your grief.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Jan 2014 17:10:06 +0000
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