Angry right now when I should be feeling greatful and that makes me more angry for feeling that way . I mean I know Im thankful we are all okay but I dont think its normal to be so pissed off. Pissed that my kids have this chaos and uproot in their life , pissed that I am depending on so many people , pissed that everyone left their jobs to come help me , pissed that my animals were so traumatized , pissed this is causing so much stress on our parents , friends and family , pissed that my van is full of clothes I needed to drop off for Salvation Army but all the clothes that we wore are mess, pissed that through all my stupidity in life I always took care of my old wooden bench and mirror my momma got me as a child and now look at it , pissed that I lost it so bad at first , pissed I couldnt get the fire out, pissed about my chest feeling like it is, pissed about not being able to stop coughing long enough to sleep , hell at this point as Im laying here in borrowed clothes Im even pissed about being fat which has nothing to do with this . Please god help me not to feel like this . As I lay here in the dark with my face stinging from the tears I am praying I can let to of this feeling . I hate this , the way I feel more than anything . This isnt me I dont like not being in control. I dont like not having all my children and Animals with me . Oh god here I go again. Feeling guilty for feeling this way. Why cant I feel greatful everyone is okay instead of so damn angry .
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 08:07:49 +0000