Annang Wisdom for May 6, 2014 Akan ikö, ase ade uchem ( Prior conversations often employ code words) Developmental psychologists often notice that human cohorts developed a shared awareness of the world and therefore are able to speak the same way, dress the same way and even behave the same way. There were times when words such as heavy, bad, groovy, funky and bread were part of the lexicon of a generation but such words fell into disuse with another generation such that the word tight, cool and awesome take their place. Similarly, those who are closely connected such as family members tend to have a common knowledge of events and are able to communicate well enough to leave out outsiders. Our people knew that those who are well connected do share a similar experience and awareness enough to communicate in a common manner. Those who are not privileged to be within this circle become outsiders no matter their relational linkages. The knowledge of what is spoken about becomes a requirement for membership in such circle and the lack of it alternately becomes a barrier. Our forebears knew that within human relationships several things, including information, are capable of defining the strengths of the relationship so that those who are in the “know” become members and those without the knowledge are seen as outsiders. Yes, there are barriers to love even within our own families. One of the effects of industrialization and urbanization is the loss of closeness and proximity within the family. As economics dictate where individuals live and where they stay, the concept of the hearth (Ndon) is fading away such that even though we may own our homes, we no longer own the bricks, the land and the mortar but the equity within the home. This practice seen from afar is slowly creeping its way into what was the remotest part of the world as a result of globalization. As the international banking system seeks new capital, foreign ideas follow suit. The result is that the social problems of one society become truly globalized. It is easy to erect barriers and force out closeness in families as we struggle with economic hardships of our own. One of those barriers is the unwillingness to share with others. Another is secretiveness such that others within the family feel used; then there is also misunderstanding and the inability to love. I once asked a couple how they knew they were in love and they looked at me and looked at each other and as if in cue they both replied that they felt it. They were not wrong for they are from a society and a time that preaches through songs and movies that love is a feeling. But feelings change because it is related to mood, and mood depends on circumstance. Little wonder that the marital relationship in the west that is based on love as feelings is falling apart with a very high divorce rate. Urbanization and globalization have also brought the same social problem to our doorsteps. Love should be based on what is shared and on encouragement. The Christians interpret it as a mirror of the relationship between humans and the divine. The gift of God’s son was based on God’s love according to this understanding, for whoever loves gives and whoever does not give does not love. The ancient writer put it this way: “for God so love the world that he gave his son” It is hard to love when there are secrets such that those who are on the inside speak in codes. You cannot put your family together if there are secrets that divide the members. Those who love share all things and those who are kept in the dark are outsiders. Prior conversations may require code words but true love requires openness and an assessment of who is included and who is left out. It is when we ensure our happiness in the home that other things fall into place. What are the secrets that divide your family? And what kind of secrets are they?? There are different kinds of secrets and some are extremely very dangerous. Others may be harmful. Children should never be burdened with the responsibility of keeping a secret for it is very harmful to their young minds. As you go out in the world today and as you mend broken relationships around you, the important thing is to consider how secrets affect your family and your relationship. Pass it on. Ituum Ibonno Ezekiel Ette For Annang Heritage Preservation Annang Wisdom is an inspirational piece developed from Annang proverbs and produced daily as a free service of the Annang Writers Association a project of the Annang Heritage Preservation Inc. No part of this publication may be copied, stored or recorded without the permission of the author except to share without charge. Please send all comments and requests to Prof. Ette at [email protected]. More inspirational pieces can be found in the book: Annang Wisdom: Tools for Post Modern Living Available at Amazon and at bookstores worldwide. Visit us at community.annangheritage.org/ To receive Annang Wisdom in your mailbox join the discussion on the web at the Annang newsgroup Annang-forum-subscribe@yahoogroups Like us on Facebook: facebook/Annangheritage Follow us on Twitter: twitter/#!/Annangheritage DISCLAIMER: Views expressed here are solely that of the author and do not represent the official position of Annang Heritage Preservation Inc. or any of its affiliate.
Posted on: Tue, 06 May 2014 04:52:40 +0000
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