Anon asks Have I “spoilt” my 2-year-old son? I have always practiced AP and had the gentle approach to parenting and responding, and up to now I have not seen my son as naughty, I have always responded to his ques and desire for attention and it has always felt very natural. He is very loving, although not very independent in the sense he likes mom or dad close by almost all the time, and can whine a lot – especially when I go places with him he is not familiar with, and he is VERY clingy. I am really worried I have crossed a fine line of being too “at his beck and call” instead of gentle and responsive, should I have set more boundaries? I also still b/feed and he is very attached to that and wants it whenever and wherever. I don’t use punishment at all. This was all suddenly bought into my mind last night when at a friend, my son was throwing a tantrum and not playing with the other children, because he wanted me to go to him and stay holding his hand, he sat down in the middle of the playground and whined and screamed and hit himself in the face, he refused to come to me but insisted I go to him (if it wasn’t for my friend trying to hold me back I likely would have given in to him at first cry, although I do make attempts at encouraging his independence without point blank refusing him what he wants – be it my hand for a while or to be held) – all the while this was going on my friend was frowning asking me “what do you do for discipline?” and I had nothing to answer. She went on to tell me that “I think that’s what he is lacking”, and started to advise me of various approaches, such as time outs or ignoring tantrum behavior (if done to get attention / what they want). I felt so judged, and at the same time it really made me question myself and my son’s behavior – he is getting more into the tantrums now he is turning 2, I know tantrums are normal, but I feel like he IS more demanding and less independent than other kids, whose moms use time outs or other kinds of punishments, and their kids play so well. My son whines a lot. Is this all my fault? What should I be doing? In desperate need of advice, as I was led to believe by my friend that he is lacking discipline and she even gave me a book entitled “intentional love” which aims to quote “train” parents, it made me feel like if I love my son I must do something! I know there is a fine line, but I also don’t want to make my son become a demanding or a “spoilt” little boy who comes to expect his way with everything. An example lately is he moans and moans until I go to him, he won’t call “mummy” instead, and wants to be held a lot. How do I set gentle boundaries and instill discipline gently and effectively? When he whines I try talking to him and telling him to ask not whine but he doesn’t seem to understand that reasoning yet, I don’t think he is there yet. Have I been doing it ALL wrong?? ☹ TIA xx
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 07:48:07 +0000
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