Anonymous Confession #44 (long)- During years 11&12 I suffered with a server anxiety/depressive disorder and truthfully didnt perform to the best of my ability. I started year 11 and really wanted to drop out, my parents however did not allow for that. I got through year 11 and started year 12 with the mindset that I wouldnt let anything stop me from reaching out for the dream that I wanted so bad. That mindset however did not last long. Just before trial exams my anxiety and depression started to get worse and worse and trials was just like hell on earth. Once trials had ended I was so far off the rails that I didnt leave my house or talk to anyone for the entire break, I had my note signed and ready to dropout of school but my parents encouraged that I take one last jump and try again, and so I did. The year continued to get worse, I wasnt doing as well as what I wanted to do, my group of friends broke up and I ended the school year with no one beside me, I relapsed so many times and I truly just wanted to end it all because how was I supposed to live a life if I wasnt even good enough to get into university? I didnt know how I was going to. I got through the hsc and honestly dreaded every single moment waiting for the atar marks to be revealed and when they came out I was really happy with my mark. However, when the atar came out I was so disappointed. I walked away with a mark that wasnt good enough to get me into my dream course. Thankfully I had put a course down at uwsc and got accepted into b arts first year at uwsc through early offers. I was so pleased at first but today as the uni main round offers were being released I was really disappointed that I wasnt accepted into my first preference but now 2 hours after the main rounds have been released I sit here and think ... I have spent the last 3 years now suffering through a mental illness, so many times I wanted to give up, so many times I attempted to end it all, but I was never successful and today I stand thankful for my failure of ending a life that wasnt ready to end because if I had been successful I wouldnt be on a journey to the dream that I have always wanted and I certainly wouldnt be attending uni. Your pages helped me so much through the hsc and I thank you so much for it because without realizing you helped me and so many others who suffered and so many others who just needed the comfort of someone else going through what they were to get to where we are today. I guess what I am really trying to say is that no matter what anyone says about how the hsc and atars are so important and that they determine the rest of your life it is a true load of BULLSHIT! There really are so many ways to getting to where you hope to be. So regardless of if you did or did not receive an offer into uni, CONGRATULATIONS to every single one of you for getting through quite truly, one of the hardest years in your life. You have accomplished so much already. Dont let a mark discourage you and stop you from chasing your dreams!
Posted on: Sun, 25 Jan 2015 09:30:28 +0000
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