Another Marine committed suicide, I didn’t know this man personally but he was my brother nonetheless. Two in week and that is only the Marines. It makes me stagger, puts a real dent in my stride when I hear of such an awful thing. The worst part is, is that he is just another number or a post that someone casually breezes by and to some they just don’t care to hear it. I don’t blame them for not caring. A country that has lost its patriotism has conditioned them to be that way. They live in a country that focuses only on the individual rather than the whole. Where success is only about money, not community, not peace, not supporting one another, only about themselves. Where would we be if it weren’t for our military? Maybe you would be speaking German or Japanese or maybe you wouldn’t be speaking at all. Veterans performed a service for you whether you asked for it or not and now its time to return the service. Maybe this is to long winded for you to read, that’s fine, you don’t have to, it wasn’t meant for you. The suicide rate in veterans and active duty military members has surpassed the death rate in Iraq. Is that not unbelievable? Can you even grasp that? There has been a war going on for over a decade, a place where machine gun fire, indirect fire and roadside bombs are a daily event. This is a place where a suicide bombing is just as common as a grand slam is here in America. A war that takes place in a region of the world that has been under siege thousands of years longer than this ‘great’ country has been in existence. There are times in this place where not only one is lost but handfuls at a time. This is a place I try so hard to forget, but sometimes I never can and some of us never do. I don’t know what needs to happen here; maybe our nation needs to take this more serious. Maybe our government needs to step in and take some serious effort to correct it rather than drawing lines on a board, pointing fingers and calling it a graph. This, to me anyway, is more important than rights for illegal immigrants and welfare. This epidemic has been going on since Vietnam. This is an epidemic that claims our countries warriors and protectors. The ones who take their lives and put them on the line so we can have a president who fights for his own beliefs. They sacrifice everything so we can all have a say in everything whether it is our business or not. It hurts that we have lost what should be most important, protect and serve. Following a certain guideline of chivalry and pride has gone out the window; we have created a generation of fake winners. Trophy hungry people whom only see things the way they want them to be seen not what they really are. I can’t believe we lost another. It happens everyday, every dozen minutes a man, who you trusted to protect this country, ends his life. It’s so sad. I only wish they would have seen the truth. That there is so much more to life than what is behind you. Maybe its time we take things into our own hands, maybe its time we take our country back and take a stand. We all know we need change in the worst way. I know what their final moments felt like. I have been there. I have been standing on the edge of darkness with my toes loosely planted next to a ravine. A ravine that only exists in a person’s imagination or accurately depicted on a movie screen, it seems to unrealistic but to many it is the only way of life. A life that is lived in harsh vividness, torturous memories and full of an overwhelming feeling of guilt. A life where comfort is a sought after feeling. Imagine standing on the edge of this cliff, an echoing cliff, and deep with the feeling of forever. You could throw a rock and only hear it sharply bounce off the sides but never the end. A fall into this darkness can only result in death or maybe something much worse than that, a fall that will never end. A quick glance over the shoulder and a vast desert appears. As far as the eye can see with heat waves rippling on the horizon like an ocean. In a 180-degree view there are mud huts and towns, large cites full of smoking buildings and red eyes. Clay colored mountains with snow covered peaks and full of never ending caves. Trucks, cars, bodies, tanks and Humvees litter the landscape, smoking and engulfed in flames. A hundred foot plus flames spew from the oil fields making a very dark and nightmarish backdrop. Packs of wild dogs run free with tormenting barks and howls. Fighter jets swoop low and scream loud unleashing death. Helicopters burst flames of 20mm machine gun fire while tanks blast holes in the sounds barrier. Mobile patrols and guard towers, concertina wire and sand bags on top of hesco barriers. So cold but so alive, it screams and talks to you. There are so many people just wandering around in the open, looking lost and confused while others are running fire and maneuver. Families on their knees crying and pleading, with each screech you feel their pain down to the bones. Then there are some who just lie there, the ones who have accepted this evil place and made it their home. And then there lie all the holidays. Its dark on this side, but not because there is no sun but because it is filled with smoke and other fowl scents. Scents that can bring you to places the mind will never forget. On this side of the cliff the winds blows but it is full of emotion. Some gusts bring pain and others bring and unquenchable anger or levels of anxiety that make the body hurt. Some gusts bring an overwhelming guilt that almost knocks you into the ravine, the kind of wind that brings instant tears to your dry weathered eyes. Sometimes the wind blows so hard it pushes you back a few steps but you feel nothing. It’s a confusing place but it is the only place some know and some know all to well. A circus. On the other side of the cliff there is beauty. Green pastures and rolling hills, it’s bright on that side and looks so serene. A place to strive for, a place that is so welcoming and peaceful. There are gatherings of people who all look so happy and at ease. When the wind blows on this side, they all face in its direction and close their eyes. They lift their arms as if they will take flight followed by deep breaths. So peaceful, so much love. They have gracefully let go of the things that were not meant for them. They look over to the dark side with a look of joy, reaching with only their eyes, telling the dark side that the journey is far from over for the journey through happiness is much longer and much more rewarding. Its so close but feels so far away. Impossible to get to even though it’s only with in a few feet, a simple jump would suffice. But that means overcoming the biggest fear of all, acceptance. It’s hard to get there. We may walk for miles trying to find a place where the ravine ends. Coming close enough at times to taste it, to get a glimpse of what a life of happiness is like but we push on trying to find a better crossing. Sometimes we like the dark side more than the happy side. It is much easier to be depressed than to be happy. Happiness means we must conquer our evils, and that is not an easy task. A lot of men do not even truly know what their evils are. Just lost in feelings of change. If you are unable cross maybe you need to turn around and revisit the war again. Drag the hate to the edge of the cliff and throw it off. Revisit the memories and tell your story to others, you are not alone and they want to hear them. There are methods and copping mechanisms that can and will work. If you cannot do this alone and your ravine has no safe passage, I will lay down across the ravine for you. You can use me to carry your weight, if I am not strong enough or long enough; there is a line of people behind me that are willing to do the same. You are not in this battle alone and never will be. I know that the demons are strong and sometimes it is hard to avoid their pull, but it can and will be done. Maybe you can’t do it alone; maybe you need someone to bare this weight upon. This does not make you weak, it means your ready, and you are ready to regain your strength. We were trained to be the best, the strongest, feel no pain, show no fear, which is what we needed to survive while in war, but we don’t need those attributes anymore. We need peace now and trust me brothers, its good. Stay vigilant but not combat vigilant. Don’t get me wrong the evils will always dwell in the shadows but you can learn how to deal with them when they show their faces. I wont lie to you, you will never be the same person that you were before war, but if you try you can be so much more defined than that person you used to be. Don’t give up, never give up; life is very worth living for. It is time to accept it.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 01:15:38 +0000
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