Another story of hope on suicide prevention week from the wonderful potterfly Carissa! To tell my story properly youre going to have to know a few things about me. 1) I am a recovered addict. And 2) I a writer. For five years I struggled with anorexia, self harm, anxiety, and depression. I wanted to end my life, I was so desperate in the war against myself I gauged out huge parts of me. I was no longer fun, I was angry and even violent. I lashed out whenever people tried to help me, every part of me knew I could do, and be better. It got to the point that when my mother saw my arms I tried to play it off like it didnt matter. They werent that deep, and who did it matter to anyway? It wasnt hurting anyone but me. I conned myself into believing this. At that point I was seeing a school counselor twice a week to skip class. I started talking to them, they tried to explain why it was a bad thing, and that I was hurting people. But I knew how hard it would be to stop, and I decided I wasnt worth saving, and that I wanted my depression. I wanted my pain, agony, and scars. They were my punishment, for what I couldnt tell you, Id only state that: You couldnt understand. And I was right in a way. That summer, July 27th 2011, my brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. It tore me up, I decided I didnt want to do this anymore, I stopped cutting for a month. I started going to therapy, and was getting better. I was recovering. I only cut when the pain was really bad. Id do it in the shower, or late at night. Several of my family members took me aside, they told me how it hurt to see me this way. But I was getting better. My suicidal thoughts had become less frequent. August 20th 2012, my friend Faith committed suicide. She was 15. Her loss showed me just how much my life was worth, the pain and agony that suicide creates. I went at my recovery with a new passion, I stopped cutting for the most part and did my best to convince my fellow self harmers there was hope. In 2013 I fount this page. It was late at night, and I needed to talk. So I sent a message. On and off throughout my recovery I messaged this page. Ale, was the one to respond. We talked about our recovery and our struggles. We shared poetry, and the love of writing. And now Im back. Im back for a new reason, Im back because two months ago I found out my sister is cutting. I cannot explain the gut wrenching feeling of discovering that she is going through the same problems I defeated not so long ago. I have decided to spread my recovery and openly talk about what it really means to be a survivor of self harm and suicide. I hope that people will know that sending a simple message can save your life. It saved mine, and now Im openly speaking out to spread the hope I found in my darkest hour. Lumos, /* Potterfly Carissa. * Ale Admin ʚïɞ
Posted on: Sat, 13 Sep 2014 01:22:14 +0000
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