April 27, 2014= 2 ½ years - Today marks 2 years & 6 months since Noelle passed away. I’m not even sure if anyone is reading this anymore but, I will continue to write about our journey. It’s a forced effort this month to write…not because I have nothing to say…it’s solely out of the pain of facing reality. I miss everything about Noelle & our old family life. There are so many minute details that I miss that an average person would tend to disregard. I could liken this journey to a marathon race… although; it’s like a marathon race with no training. There’s no relay to this journey, no baton to pass off to allow someone else to take part of the leg of this journey. It’s like a solo marathon…a test of endurance. There are times that you feel the only thing you can do is run…run in a forward motion but, it’s as if you are constantly looking back. There is no finish line in view. There are times that breathing becomes a struggle. There are times you have the pack in full view and you try to keep pace with the other runners… yet you can’t. You fake it at times and you hang with the others but yet your internal struggle to maintain the pace is not apparent to the others. Along the path there are familiar people cheering you on…rooting and chanting about what incredible strength you hold. There are strangers & acquaintances along the way holding up signs becoming “new fans” putting faith that you will complete the race without ultimate failure. Then there are the hecklers, the spectators that are merely there to taunt you to make you feel like there is no way you will ever have enough energy to complete the entire marathon. They are chattering to others, just waiting on you to fail. Along, the journey, you stop at the water stations to rehydrate, reboost, collect your thoughts and find our mojo. You look to set up small goals, small victories that seem obtainable. For me, it’s getting up in the morning, being a wife & mother, continuing to work, softball & The First Noelle (those are just some of the small goals I set every day). For runners it may be time, pace, mile markers & endurance. I was not prepared for my marathon at ALL & the race that I’m participating in now is a daily challenge of endurance. Sometimes I stumble, sometimes I completely fall & yet sometimes I am merely just trying to keep pace. I have always been one to dance to the beat of my own drummer…I guess you can say that I’m in the process of auditioning a new band lol. 2 ½ years could seem like a forever to some but, it still feels like yesterday to me. There are so many daily trials that I face and so many mundane things that I miss. I’ll admit, I have no idea where Noelle would be in her journey of college, life & career…I can only speculate. Acceptance of her not being here & missed milestones or hmmm ministones I can honestly say are excruciating at times. If you knew me before Noelle died then you’ll know that I constantly spoke of both of my girls…Noelle & Hollee. At times, I can see the eye rolls or hear the sighs when I am spoken to and still speak of both of my girls. Again, I have stated this before as I will state it again…I will continue for the rest of my life to speak of both of my girls! I am as proud of my 2 children as I am sure you are proud of yours. The First Noelle is gaining momentum and we could not be more proud! This past month a Battle of The Bands event named Rockin’ for The First Noelle took place. This event was created by the Senior Marketing students from MTSU and Professor Jean Wilson. They teamed up with Modern Woodmen Financial & several other sponsors to create an incredibly successful event. Over $8,000 was raised to benefit The First Noelle! Thank you to all who were involved! We are truly grateful for your assistance in helping us in the continuance of spreading Noelle’s legacy. This week we are preparing to give another scholarship in memory of Noelle to a high school senior. So, with your help & support…the legacy continues on. I will end this month with Noelle’s tidbit. I usually tell this story when I hand out her scholarship. When Noelle was in elementary school she had to write a story for read across America week (I think it was like third grade). Well, it went something to the effect of - I like to read. My Granny likes to read big thick books. My Daddy likes to read big thick books. My Mommy…MY Mommy can’t read! She’s too busy. Well, I guess The First Noelle is great for me too (hahaha)! I spend a lot of time reading kindergarten level books now! Thank you for thinking of Noelle today. Thank you for continuing on our journey…prayers still appreciated & as ALWAYS…I LOVE MY GIRLS!
Posted on: Sun, 27 Apr 2014 06:01:02 +0000
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