As I approach my one year hormone birthday on October 3rd, Ive been reflecting upon myself so much the past couple of days on my first year. Starting hormones, I was this kind, but quite shy and awkward gay boy. I was confident when I was in drag, but that was about it. I had reached a point in my life where I needed to follow my heart and be who I knew I was. This has been a difficult road. Going from feeling almost no emotions from about the beginning of puberty until I started transitioning at 23, to where I am today where I feel the ENTIRE range of emotions, both good and bad on the daily. My body and my mind feel in sync for the first time in my life. My life is much more difficult now for sure. Going from being rather anonymous to standing out wherever you go is a change. I know Im lucky to have had a good transition so far, and Im kinda tall at 511, So good or bad, whether it be cat calling from random gross dudes, to sometimes getting clocked by randoms about being a tranny, its sometimes a struggle to go anywhere these days. Then again, I have my wonderful days. Days where my smile is big and I feel infinite. These days I live for. I feel complete. I look in the mirror and I see the girl on the outside that was always hidden away inside. Growing up, I always knew I was different. I assumed for the longest time I was a gay, because well, trans anything wasnt very public or talked about. I bet many of you who went to school with me would agree I was a pretty awkward kid. To have this awkwardness washed away, to feel pretty, to feel strong, to feel wanted, is so cool. On the bad days I sometimes wonder, Whats the point? I feel like quitting it all. Then I remember my growth and I think about my wonderful days. I think Im slowly figuring out why I was put on this earth. I had to find and be myself, which for me, meant being the girl I always was. Now that Ive started the stages of finding my own authenticity, I make my transition public, to hopefully inspire others. Maybe Ill reach out to a young teenage trans girl who knows shes different, but is stuck being a boy at the present time. I hope to alleviate some of the pain I had to go through growing up for my future little sisters. Maybe in the process too Ill inspire someone to pursue their passion or dream, or fight their inner struggle. I want to show the world you can do and be anything you want to. Accepting the unfortunate circumstances handed to us in life is not necessary. We challenge them. We conquer them, and then we become a truer personification of our inner soul because of it.
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 01:06:21 +0000
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