As I sit pondering life & reflecting on the past I was suddenly hit w/the realization its been 20 yrs this past Tuesday since my Papaw Ray passed. This was a man I admired & looked up to, someone who always made me feel like there were no limits to what I could accomplish & most of all an most importantly, was my best friend. Hurt can in no way describe the way Ive felt since that terrible day. I lost a big piece of myself, something at that young age I never could fully appreciate....so very hard to describe in words someone who had such a big impact, yet was taken away at such an impressionable age for myself. Im certain a good portion of my self destructive ways stem from his passing, as did my style of dress, music, etc. Im also certain hed be beyond disappointed at the man I turned out to be, actually Im positive of this as my past sickens me. This being said Im gonna attempt to atone for my actions by living life as if hes still here watching, appreciating all I have been given instead of being the pessimist I am. Sad this is something I shouldve done all along, as Ive always been good at talking the talk, yet really never walking the walk. Although Ive made significant changes in the last few months, I still feel as if Im not living up to the expectations he would have set for me. In closing I feel I have so much to do, so many things to accomplish to make up for all the wrong, all those wasted yrs of doing nothing, wallowing in self pity & doubt. Blaming everyone & everything else for the situations life threw at me, when in reality I was my own worst enemy. I only hope to overshadow my disappointments w/multiple accomplishments, success & the determination you instilled in me as a youngster. Papaw, I love & miss you as much today as I did then & promise Ill strive to become the man you envisioned me to be.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 06:17:14 +0000
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