As I spoke in a post earlier, I feel most myself when Im driving and my shuffle is presenting the perfect music for my heart to hear. I feel at peace even if I feel sorrowful in my thoughts. And as I ponder the questions from Chelsie Oehlkers about the liberation of allowed failure I compare it to my current state of mind. It feels like a drug of sorts when you allow yourself to dive back into a painful and heart breaking chapter from your past. The fact that you survived and made it through an event you begged to not have to face brings you a fogged euphoria but also a sense of loss. Im not sure how to explain this since im speaking directly from my personal experience and point of view but for some reason even after the events are far past, there are some things I still allow myself to feel from them because it makes me feel strong; allowed weakness and forced recovery makes me feel empowered and stable in myself. its strange how something thats gone can still be so real but there is a rawness to life, happiness, pain, confusion, hatred and love which is health and builds your mental strength. I think of this pain which is still so prominent in my mind because it causes me to have stronger mental control of my thoughts and their effect. Im able to think them, embrace them, hate and love them but most importantly, after im done I am able to push them away with acceptance of the present. This is how I Handel my worried thoughts, my discontent and longing ones which have nowhere to go. Now dont mistake this for ignoring a problem that can be fixed, the process is quite different for such things, but Ive realized all this and Im uncertain if Ive ever truly let myself break down. Im constantly retraining my brain to get back up. Now this was the other question of chelsies and Im wondering the same things as her, is it right to let it all fall apart to let the walls of our perseverance fall with us to rebuild, what would be the benefit in a short term perspective? Would it make it twice as hard to build that strength back or would it make your strength twice as stong? Id say both... Idk where Im going with this now but as for the song I think its interesting how ppl who are gone from our lives take on some what different personas yet are the same person and still familiar. Now you are how you were when you were real
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 09:09:21 +0000
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