As I stated in my last post, my biggest New Years Resolution was to be less angry. Stop letting my grief make me so angry. And since that is my biggest focus, I have another smaller, yet just as important resolution to work on. Seeking approval. I am SICK of feeling like I need to have peoples approval. Why should I put so much emphasis on a constant state of stress and tension and pleasing everyone but myself? I think its time I consider the ONLY one that should be pleased with me is God. God allowed me to go through a deep valley where I had never been before and the perfectionist inside me had to admit to herself and to Him that she may never get out. I need help. 10/20/30 years from now, Ill still need help. Through counseling, Ive discovered that I have an unhealthy need for others approval. I want to be known as the woman who has it all together. Some counselors call it co-dependency. The Bible calls it the fear of man. It is an ever-present trap in our world. It keeps us dangerously busy trying to earn our worth. The motives for our busyness are not wrong. We want to be the best wives, husbands, parents, employees or church members we can be. The problems come when we find our value in all the things we are involved in, not in who we are in Christ. In many cases, as in mine, our busyness also affects our mental state and physical health. As it was pointed out to me last week, I think you stay so busy to run from your grief. Yep, shes right. Through Gods restoring power in my life, I can have more peace and less anxiety. I wish you could have seen me on December 19th trying to get Allistrong together for the opening on the 20th that I couldnt make it to. Not only did I cry about every minute of the day because I couldnt nail down help until the last minute, I was stressed out by the multitude of phone calls, the amount of gifts given, miscommunications, one adopted family that had their donor fall through at the last second, and knowing that I had an out of town trip pending on my ability to get out of there as quick as I could. If my anxiety was a mercury thermometer, it would have bust. Alas, Gods ever present power came through. I still had a bazillion phone calls and questions to answer the morning of the opening, but He came through. I was alright. Ive learned that He loves me as I am, imperfections and all. He will guide me if I take the time to be still and listen to His voice. My valley is different than your valley, but we arent all that different. We may be in different ballparks, but when it comes to swinging the bat and taking a chance, its still the same game. Its one thing to need approval from your coach, its another wanting it from your peers. Today, Jesus is my coach. Prayer for today: God, my life is busy. Show me where I need to say no in my schedule so that I can say yes to spending time with you. Amen.
Posted on: Tue, 30 Dec 2014 14:50:25 +0000
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