As I walk through the silent early morning streets of Boise and contemplate the past week, I am in awe with gratitude for the incredible surprises that life offers up. This work of helping people – if we are to do it well and with authentic leadership – requires us to step up, lead, and be an example. Life does not offer up perfection. Not to anyone. Some may pretend perfection, but that is an illusion, a show put on for the supposedly gullible masses (many of whom aren’t so gullible anymore). NO, A TRUE LEADER FACES HER OWN DEMONS AND CHALLENGES It is only through the facing down of ever deeper challenges does true growth and development occur, much like the evolution of species. It is my humble opinion that one cannot be a true leader without going through the crucible of pain and challenge, emerging victoriously on the other side to show others the way. One cannot lead from a textbook notion of leadership; that is a sham. When it comes to daemons and challenges: I’ve faced mine – many of them, and even very recently. When I started helping people, it was a clear proposition to my rational scientist trained mind: I help them get more grant funding in return for their investment. All along doing that work I found a strong calling to go deeper than that - MUCH deeper. Yet I wasn’t ready to teach this until I first went there myself. At the start of this year I felt ready to start leading others on this journey: one of discovering who we truly are at our CORE, and in finding that place, operating from our own personal TRUTH and AUTHENTICITY rather than operating from ego-based illusions. YET I WAS NOT AS READY AS I THOUGHT There was still baggage, I had not shed it all. There was much baggage, but the worst of it all was a program that was running in my head, unbeknownst to me, that said this: “You cannot teach people to be happy, fulfilled, and on their true path; it is not a logical, rational thing like grant writing.” As a result of that limiting program, I made steps forward, and I also ran into brick walls that smacked me in the face and left me bruised. Nobody was holding me back from helping people in this new and far more fulfilling way but me. Which is unfortunate: this work is about truth, it’s about beauty, it’s about helping people align with their true nature, shedding the layers of detritus built up through a lifetime of trying to please and answer to others. THANKSGIVING WAS THE BREAKING POINT What was supposed to be a relaxing holiday in the mountains with my family turned into a personal hell. It started with a stomach flu, which led me down a path of questioning everything. I had seen the progress of people I’d been helping with finding their own true core, but I hadn’t internalized it. I was still looking for the big, in-your-face demonstration that this is the “correct path.” It never happened. It didn’t happen because I hadn’t committed to this as my path. I still had the grant writing work as a go-to backup position in case I needed it. I wasn’t truly committed to either one. LIFE DOES NOT FAVOR THOSE WHO ARE UNCOMMITTED Instead, it slaps them, sometimes brutally. I got slapped. I spent two weeks going down a rabbit hole of hell, doubting everything. I realized that if my business were to avoid an implosion after several months of my own relative paralysis that I had to choose. Do I go back to the old default that is “justifiable, rational, and provable” (i.e. grant writing) or do I go forward into the unknown, committing to what my own CORE was calling me to do? (and in the process, setting the example I would need to be…) It felt like a sort of death. A death of an ego that had been still clinging fearfully to the past, as most egos do. Real death may actually be easier. In that death and rebirth, I found a faith. A faith in my own core. A faith that things are working out perfectly in beauty. A faith that I am on the right path. DEMONSTRATIONS OF FAITH I became committed to this path, one which was inevitable yet had been full of resistance for me. There is no going back. I cannot return to that old ego-illusion, fear based way of operating now. There is nothing left for me there. And once I committed with that full faith that it is the true path for me, almost immediate demonstrations happened. New clients came quickly and easily. Several of my graduating students reported major breakthroughs. Just yesterday, one of the students of my Core Integration class reported that she had her single biggest financial DAY in her business ever. That single day exceeded her previous best MONTH. When she started working with me, it was a struggle; now it is the opposite. That’s what this work does. Or take one of the scientists - someone who was in overwhelm and questioning whether she could continue that career that she’d spent 20 years building towards. She is now finding a balance that she hasn’t experienced in over a decade; a peace of mind, a flow, an ease. And a renewed feeling of confidence. There’s nothing better for getting a grant funded than ease and confidence. She has more work to do, but has stopped the downward spiral she was in, one which always ends badly. There is more, but your time is precious. FROM DARK TO LIGHT When life is at it’s darkest, we are just before the dawn. It’s a cliche but true. I am certain that my own challenges are not over; that would mean the end of growth. I must grow in order to lead others through growth. Yet for now, the dawn has emerged brightly and beautifully. It was poised there, waiting to happen all along. I simply had to let it into my life. That is true for all of us, every time. I AM COMMITTED I am committed to a simple mission now: helping thousands of people over the next few years find the TRUTH of who they are at their core; to discover their authentic selves and operate from that place of power, clarity, love, and joy. This is a spiritual, mental, and physical journey. The inner work gets reflected in the outer. If there are money struggles, relationship struggles, business or work struggles, those reflect inner disharmony. By attaining inner harmony with who you are, those struggles vanish. I AM READY Who else to teach this but one who has gone through the crucible of finding who she really is to teach this? If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ve heard of the things I’ve gone through to get here. There has been depression, there has been despair, their has been suicidal behavior. There has been questioning everything, and there has been experience at the brink of financial and relationship ruin that stems from all the inner turmoil. Through each experience, new wisdom and clarity emerged, and from that, the ever greater love of helping others to make their own journey easier. I am incredibly grateful for the place that life has delivered me to now. It was not a walk in the park, it was a treacherous mountain climb with many avalanches and falls. I survived. AND IT WAS PERFECTION.
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 16:12:01 +0000
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