As a South Asian women born and brought up in Canada one trend I have noticed in recent years is the growing number of Indian women who choose to settle for a non-Indian partner. Perhaps “choose” is not the right word, but most of the women and friends I know who have married ‘out” of the community had no hang-ups about either dating or considering a White man. Vancouver relationship expert Tulshida Ram says “the number of South Asian women who marry white men is growing; a natural progression of interracial mixing and changes in society along with more South Asian women in the workforce means more social interaction. Indian women are less conservative and inhibited than before; so naturally you will find more intercultural relationship and marriages” However when pressed Ram says “But if you analyze the trends you find deeper reasons why South Asian women are increasingly marrying more white men. Generally research finds that the more liberal educated and higher up the socioeconomic hierarchy a South Asian is; the higher the likelihood she will marry out of her community. These women with high education and careers s are perhaps not content to have a traditional extended family centered marriage with an Indian man, but may want a more independent lifestyle which the perhaps won’t get if they married an Indian man.” She adds “White men are considered more liberal, laid back and of course more equality minded and so some Indian women like that… the fact perhaps they are not marrying their husbands family, but just the man!” Surrey based Shruti Pankaj; a 25 year old nurse says “I had a steady Indian boyfriend for a very long time till we split up. I have also had white boyfriends. I guess it really is up to one’s personal preference and how attracted you are too another person. Indians are “governed” somehow by beliefs, assumptions and values that in a huge way deplete mixing of races, and although this isn’t correct, it conforms to society and upbringing. Believe me; I have had stares from all races except black whenever my white boyfriend and I went out together. Still it is true and I don’t know why, it’s always safe to have a boyfriend of any other race besides black in the Indian community – Indians understand what I mean. Its more religion and cultural than anything else, I believe if you love someone, whomever he/she is, then that’s great and you should go for it. Kamaljit Nehru a Vancouver lawyer says she married her White Canadian husband Andrew O’Neill and likes the fact that he doesn’t expect her to cook for him or clean up after him, like the typical Indian man who’s seen his mother do that all her life. According to Kamaljit, Andrew happily makes his own food, buys groceries, and is thankful to her when she does cook and serve him. Nehru also appreciates Andrews’s lack of possessiveness and narrow-mindedness. She says that she couldn’t even hug a male friend in front of the Indian men that she’d dated. They also tried to change her, after initially liking her for the way she was.” Andrew gives me so much more space and liberty to be myself” she says Coquitlam Teacher Indira Kolabhi married Insurance agent John Douglas and says she likes the fact that unlike most Indian men, Douglas loves the arts and is a very creative person. He’s also much more supportive of her career than most Indian men would be. However, she has had to adjust to his lifestyle in other ways. She explains that she is still a devout Hindu and a proper vegetarian, while John is a Christian and a complete meat eater — so she’s had to learn how to cook the food he likes. Indira says “My life as a woman is my own and I share it with my husband, is see my Indian female friends who are married and all they do is cook, clean and look after their extended families and in-laws. In contrast John’s parents are completely independent and not clingy and needy like Indian families.” She adds “Really I married the man I loved not because he was white… he easily could be an Indian, but his beliefs, lifestyle and values meshed with mine. I just never found an Indian guy who shared those ideas. Ultimately it up to the woman who and what kind of husband she chooses…color is immaterial.”
Posted on: Wed, 31 Jul 2013 19:12:19 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015