As most of you know, I post a lot of stories...most are about the Twin cities, and, growing up in Festus in particular. However I have written one childrens story for kids...say, from 4 to 10---I wrote it for the parent and grandparent that likes to read to their kids but dont think they can read Green Eggs and Ham one more time without throwing up. I sought Jerry Boyers permission before posting this and he approved it---I think maybe he is too much of a gentleman to want to hurt an old mans feelings. TALES OF THE WITHYWOODS LUNCH WITH AURA A STORY OF FRIENDSHIP It was mid-afternoon when I finally arrived at the pool in the willow glade. It was my second visit since I had saved Aura from the troll. It was, I confess, not a big troll, at least not big as trolls normally go. But it was inordinately strong and I, of course, am famously afraid of violent things. So you can well imagine my fear as I forced myself to strike the troll right square in the snout. It was a very big snout, pink as I remember and very, very, soft. You cannot however imagine my surprise when the troll plopped down on his behind and started crying and accusing me of being a big bully. Between the big massive tears that he was shedding and all of that blubbering plus me trying to help staunch the flow of blood from his nose, well, it was a very disconcerting time. It was to be a special day as we were to have a picnic together. Our first of many, she said, and then she would show me where the pixie’s played, in Pixie Park, which makes a strange sense if you think about it. At least it makes sense to a Dryad, which is of course is what Aura was. Now before we go too far I don’t want you thinking Tree Dryads…you know, the nymphs who are related to Pixies, and whose lives are attached to oak trees and live as long as their tree lives. Oh no, Aura was a water Dryad who lived with her sisters in crystal clear fresh water pools in any typical magical forest glade. Tree Dryads have a distinctive green cast to their skin; it’s all that photosynthesis I think. But Water Dryads, on the other hand have a translucent type of skin, it’s almost, well, it’s almost as if you might be able to see through it….unless of course the water Dryad is excited, then their skin takes on a slightly blue cast. And as everybody with any sense that has seen a Dryad knows, they are generally excited about something. It might be a colorful stone they found at the bottom of the pool or the shape of a leaf they saw as it went floating by. Today, I knew she would be blue because today was picnic day. “What did you bring me?” Aura asked, jumping up and down in excitement. Her eyes fairly sparkled and she clapped her little hands together. Dryads make absolutely no effort at self-composure. “Well,” I said, dipping my hand into my knapsack very slowly to build the excitement. “I have brought you a Big Golden apple.” Aura fairly squealed with excitement, jumping up and down. “What does it think it is?” she asked, in almost a whisper. Now this type of question would catch most people off guard, as it is not the type of question that makes any sense, to people, but as I stated before Aura wasn’t a people, she was a Dryad and I knew Dryads. “It thinks it’s a Big Red Plum,” I answered, in my most conspiratorial voice. Aura laughed out loud and danced around in a pirouette trying to contain her excitement. “What else did you bring?” “Ah,” I said. “I brought a small wheel of yellow cheese for us.” Dryads love cheese, especially yellow cheese, but you can’t give them too much or they will gorge themselves and become sick. She started jumping up and down and big tears formed in her eyes as she turned and ran into the pool where she disappeared underwater for a couple of minutes to compose herself. She was really very, very, excited. She returned still smiling up at me and looking very, very, blue, I might add, and pronounced in her still tremulous voice, “This is going to be the best picnic ever.” “I can’t help but to agree,” I replied. “What does the cheese think it is?” she asked, trying to look all serious. ‘It still thinks it is milk,” I said in my saddest voice. “It doesn’t know it’s been turned to cheese.” “That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard of,” she stated emphatically. “It must not have been very smart milk because it’s a dumber cheese.” “Sadly I’m afraid I have to agree with you,” I said with my best exasperated voice. “Maybe we just shouldn’t even bother to eat this old dumb cheese.” I saw the look of horror that flitted over Aura’s face at the thought of not getting any cheese. ‘No, No,” she said. As if a thought had just occurred to her, “We will be forced to eat it, as this is our first picnic together and bad luck would befall us if we failed to eat everything.” I scratched my chin as if giving this pronouncement great thought. Finally I said, “Yes, I see now the wisdom in that, we will be forced to eat the cheese after all and keep bad luck as far from us as we can.” The relief on Aura’s face was obvious. “What did you bring for us,” I asked? “I brought a Cabbage,” she said, reaching behind a huge boulder and showing me the cabbage she had hidden there. “What does it think it is?” I asked. “It thinks it’s a cabbage,” she answered, shaking her head in disgust. “A cabbage that thinks it’s a cabbage must be a fairly smart cabbage,” I stated. “No,” she said emphatically. “It’s a dumb cabbage. Nothing wants to be a cabbage. Why would a cabbage think it was a cabbage when it could think it was a squash or a rutabaga?” “That’s true,” I agreed. “Well, since we are stuck with a dumb cheese and a dumb cabbage, why don’t you eat the cheese and I’ll eat the cabbage and we’ll call it even.” The delight on Aura’s face was a wondrous thing to behold, realizing she would get the cheese all to herself, which had been my plan all along. It was, as I said a small wheel of cheese and one I judged would not make her sick. And that was the beginning of my friendship with Aura. A SURPRISE PARTY It was a fine warm summer day in The Withywoods, almost all warm summer days are wonderful when you have nothing to do except visit friends and play. Now I am considered a fine cabinet maker, but playing is what I do best. I’m an expert at playing. I was deep into the woods by the crystal clear pool next to the willow glade, right by the old wishing well…you probably know where that is? It was there that I spied Aura and her younger sister Jillie sunning themselves on a big fat rock. “Hello,” I shouted, making as much noise as I could. A person doesn’t want to slip up on Dryads as it scares them and is considered impolite. Of course the same rule applies to Fairies, Pixies, Trolls, Ogres, and Unicorns. Even with my shout of hello and all the noise I was making coming through the woods, I still startled them off of their sunning rock and into the crystal clear river. This did not surprise me too much as Dryads are easy to scare. So I sat down by the big rock where they had been sunning and removed my big knapsack and waited. It wasn’t too long until I saw Aura and her sister’s heads pop up out of the depth of the pool. “Hello Wilson Wiggins,” Aura and Jillie said together. “Hello to you Aura and Jillie,” I replied in my politest voice. “We heard you coming,” Jillie said in a matter of fact manner. “Did you now?” I asked. Oh my, yes,” said Aura. “You made a terrible amount of noise. You really should try to learn to be quieter. “I will make every effort to do so,” I answered. Which of course the Dryads knew that I would not, because, as I mentioned, it is considered rude to sneak up on the people of the Magic Realm and I am always very, very, polite. It is the way my mother and father raised me. The two sisters climbed out of the water and onto the bank where they shook the water off themselves. I saw them eyeing my knapsack as they took their place upon the big rock but neither one asked me about it, yet. I knew they wouldn’t because to ask what is in someone’s pack is rude and Dryads are never rude. But, Dryad’s are extremely curious, so I knew that sooner or later they would find a way to get me to tell them or show them what was in my pack. It was like a game, how can we find out what is in the pack without asking? “You made so much noise you probably scared Albert from coming today,” Aura said. “Who is Albert?” I asked, certain that I had never heard the name. “Albert the Troll,” Jillie answered. “Albert the Troll,” I said in my most shocked voice. “I thought you didn’t like Trolls?” “We like Albert,” both said in unison “He’s pretty nice most of the time,” Jillie said. “Didn’t you think he was nice?” asked Aura. “I don’t think I have ever met Albert?” I said, completely bewildered. “Of course you have,” Aura exclaimed. “You punched him in the snout and made his nose bleed.” I had to sit down and think about this. I had thought I had saved Aura from a Troll and evidently the only thing I had done was to give one of her playmates a bloody nose. No wonder he called me a big bully. “So,” I slowly said, “Let me get this straight. What was Albert doing when he was chasing you with that big club? And he was saying all those horrible things, like, “I’ll grind your bones to make my bread,” and “Fe Fo Fi Fum you’ll be a Dryad sandwich when I am done. And he had that big, huge, ugly club.” Aura started laughing, “We were playing tag silly, and all Ogre’s and Troll’s are supposed to say Fe, Fo Fi, Fum, it’s one of the ways you know it’s an Ogre or a Troll chasing you. And the big ugly club, well, that’s part of the standard issue for Trolls and Ogres. I mean you couldn’t give them a dainty club made out of gold filigree that looked like a Magic Wand, now how stupid would they look then?” Well, Aura certainly had a point there; I guess it would look terribly funny for an Ogre to be chasing you with a club so pretty and dainty that it looked like a fairy’s magic wand. “Well, he certainly talked fairly tough and mean,” I said. “I don’t think all of that was necessary, was it?” “Possibly not with all Ogres and Trolls,” Aura said, after thinking about it for a minute. “But Angry Albert does,” Jillie spoke up. “If he is a friend, why do you call him Angry Albert?” I asked. “Because that is his full name,” Aura replied. “It’s Angry Albert the Argumentative Troll.” “Well,” I replied, that a terribly long name for such a small Troll.” “Yes, it is,” agreed Aura. “I think that sometimes it is almost too heavy for him to carry.” “Well, I can certainly see where carrying around a name that large would tire you out,” I admitted. “Sometimes I think that Wilson Wiggins is a heavy name, so I shorten it to Wil and then I feel much better. But, I just shorten for that day; I don’t think my mother would let me shorten for two or more days as she likes the name of Wilson.” “Maybe you could find a less heavy name for Albert,” Jillie piped up. I scratched my chin slowly as I often do when I am pondering important questions. It’s important for the Dryads to know that you are thinking about the question seriously. It’s part of being polite. Finally I answered, “I’m not sure where one would find an appropriate name for a young Troll?” “I bet you could find one in the bottom of your knapsack,” Aura said, beaming her big smile up at me. Now they had me over a barrel. I knew they were clever and curious, but I had not expected them to be so curiously clever as they had finally figured out how to see what was in my knapsack, for as we all knew, it would be impolite not to at least look. And, as I may have explained before, all manner of folk, be they humans, Dryads, Pixie, Fairy, Troll or Ogre or Unicorn, if they lived in The Withywoods, they were always very, very polite. Just as I was busy upending my knapsack on the ground we heard this horrid crashing and banging coming through the woods and then the words, FE, FO, FI, FUM, and Jillie and Aura turned and fled into the water before I could even turn around and blink my eyes. I can’t say that I was surprised at who I saw approaching me but I can say that I was surprised at what he was wearing. As you may have already guessed it was Angry Albert the Argumentative Troll, but what you couldn’t guess was that he was wearing Bright Blue pants. Yes, that’s right, Bright Blue pants with yellow polka dots and to make matters worse, he had on a pink shirt. It made your eyes pop out of your head. I saw him slow as soon as he spotted me and I knew he was afraid I might pop him in the snout again. So instead I stood up and said, “Angry Albert, I’m sorry I popped you in the nose the other day, but I was afraid you were going to hurt Aura.” He had sort of a dumbfounded look on his face, or maybe that’s the way he always looked, I wasn’t sure, but finally he said, “Why would I hurt Aura, she’s my friend?” “Yes, I know,” I stated. “I didn’t know then, but Aura told me a while ago. I didn’t know any Trolls, but I did know they liked to be flattered and were very proud of their ferocious reputations so I said, “And you are very, very, strong and have the reputation of being a ferocious fighter, and quite possibly the meanest Troll in all of Trolldom.” A big smile lit up Angry Albert’s face. Now, when I say his smile was from ear to ear, I mean just that, it was literally from ear to ear, because that’s how wide an Troll’s mouth is. “Well,” he said brightly, “Then if you heard it, it must be true, and if I said it wasn’t true, well, then I’d be calling you a liar, and since I am a very, very, polite Troll I would never do anything so rude.” “Of course you wouldn’t” I agreed. We were interrupted by the return of Aura and Jillie, “Hello, Angry Albert,” they said in unison to the young Troll. “Hello, Jillie and Aura,” Albert replied. “You scared us,” Jillie said while taking Albert by the hand. “Yes,” Aura agreed. “You are very skilled at slipping through the forest silently. You almost caught us.” “Thank you very much,” Angry Albert replied. “I have been working very hard on perfecting my silent attack; I think I almost have it down to a science.” “Oh, yes,” both of the young Dryads agreed. “You are getting very, very good.” I was very proud of myself as I sat there with a straight face and didn’t laugh out loud, but I did laugh, silently and to myself. I wonder if you could call that laughing in loud? You know, when you laugh but only to yourself, I guess I will have to ask my father. “So what is all this piled on the ground?” Albert asked, looking at the contents of my knapsack. “Wil was looking in his knapsack for a new name for you,” Jillie answered. “You know, one that isn’t quite as heavy as the one you have now.” “That is very kind of you Wil,” Albert said, while smiling from ear to ear. “I know all Trolls’ are supposed to have long, heavy names to show how strong we are but, I will admit that on some days it becomes very tiring. Was there any good names in there for me?” “Well, now let me see,” I said while rummaging around on the ground looking through all of the stuff I had dumped out. “Here is three bottles of wine,” I said handing them to Aura. “And here is a wheel of cheese,” which Jillie snatched out of my hand. “I’ll just hold this for you Wil,” she said, with her eyes all aglow at the thought of yellow cheese. “Why thank you Jillie,” I said. “That is most kind of you.” “Ah ha,” I muttered loudly looking at absolutely nothing in my hand. “What is it?” Aura asked. “Well, I think it is Albert’s new name,” I said trying to look very proud of myself. “What is it? What is it?” Aura and Jillie screamed in excitement. Did I mention that Dryads are very excitable? I think maybe that I did. Anyway I answered in my best deep voice. “I think it says Affable Albert the Absolutely Amazing Troll. I know that is still long,” I admitted, “but if you try it on I think you will see it is much, much lighter. That’s because friendly names are always lighter than scary names.” We watched as Albert mouthed the words to himself a few times. “It is much lighter Wil, but, I don’t know what Affable means?” “Affable means pleasant, or friendly and easy-going even warm and jovial,” I answered. “Oh, that’s wonderful Albert,” Aura said. “It describes you to a T.” Albert was smiling again, in fact, he was smiling so wide he was drooling out of the corner of his mouth, and of course all Trolls’ do, when they’re happy. “Well,” I said, turning around and looking at Jillie and Aura, “I think a happy occasion like this deserves a celebration. What do you think?” “Oh, yes,” they squealed jumping up and down. “But do we have enough? That is the question we have to determine. We have three small bottles of wine and some cheese and I see the big red apple that I forgot to eat for breakfast…but what else?” “I have a chicken left,” Affable Albert said. “I started out with seven but I had a little snack about an hour ago.” “We have four radishes and a dill pickle,” Aura volunteered. “Well, then,” I declared, “I think we have more than enough” The two Dryads danced around in I circle fairly screaming their heads off. Did I fail to mention that Dryads like parties? And as for Affable Albert, well, he just stood there grinning from ear to ear. Did I mention that when I say from ear to ear…oh yeah, I did mention it didn’t I? “What does this bottle of wine think it is?” Jillie asked. I stared at the wine for a minute as if it was a puzzle and then I answered, “It’s not what it thinks it is that makes it special but what is in it.” “What does it have in it?” Aura asked, barely above a whisper. Albert was leaning over my shoulder trying to listen and drooling on it I don’t mind telling you. It was only a little bit. “It has the Dreams of a Starfish and the song of the humpback whale,” I said slowly. “Ooooh,” whispered Albert into my ear. Of course an Ogre’s whisper is as loud as an elephant trumpeting. My ear still rings to this day. Jillie and Aura’s eyes were as big as saucers. “What does this one have in it?” Jillie asked as she handed me the second bottle. “This one is very special,” I said, pouring a little of the wine out into a small cup that Aura had handed me. “It is supposed to be a White wine, but, look at the color.” It’s pink,” Aura said as if she couldn’t believe her eyes. “Why is it pink if it is supposed to be white?” “Because it’s embarrassed,” I said in my most forlorn voice. “Who embarrassed it?” Affable Albert asked with big tears in his eyes. “The sun,” I answered. “How did the sun embarrass it?” Jillie asked. “When it was just a cluster of grapes hanging on the vine, the Sun Kissed her, right out there in public for everyone to see, it was most embarrassing. “Well, she has every right to be embarrassed then,” Aura proclaimed. “I think we can all agree to that,” I replied. Tell us about this one,” Albert said handing me the last bottle. “Well now this one is a Red Wine, but, not your ordinary red wine, no sir. This one thinks it is a bottle of expensive French Champaign but what is more,” and here I paused for the full effect on my audience. “It has two dreams borrowed from an angel, the laughter of a lobster and the song of the ruby throated hummingbird.” Albert’s eyes were about to bug completely out of his head. “That is very, very, special,” he whispered for all to hear. “Maybe we should save it for something special.” All eyes were turned on me. I could tell they wanted me to make such a momentous decision, but I could also tell that they wanted to taste the wine. So I scratched my chin as if I was pondering this deeply important question, and at last I said. “We could save it, but I don’t know what for, because I think Albert’s new name is about as special as you can get.” The girls got so excited that they started to jump around and clap hands and then, they turned and dove into the pool that was their home. Did I tell you that Dryads get very, very excited and…well, yes; I think maybe I did tell you that already? When they returned Aura asked me, “What’s in the Red Apple?” “It’s just a regular apple,” I replied. “There is nothing in it that I know of, but, it does think that it is a watermelon.” “That’s wonderful, “Affable Albert said. “If it thinks it’s a watermelon then it will be very sweet and juicy.” “That’s right,” Jillie agreed, jumping up and down in excitement. “Your turn Albert,” I said. He pulled out the one chicken that he had left. “What does it think it is”? I asked him. ‘He thinks he’s a buffalo,” Albert said staring at the chicken, with drool starting to run down one corner of his mouth. “A Buffalo,” Jillie said, with amazement. “We could never eat a full Buffalo,” Aura announced. “You’re going to have an awful lot left over.” “That’s okay, I’ll manage,” Albert said with a sly grin. “Tell us about the pickle,” Albert said, looking at Jillie “Well,” she started out, “he doesn’t know he’s a green pickle, and he thinks he is a big yellow ear of sweet corn. love corn on the cob,” Albert said. “So do I,” I chimed in. “What about the radishes?” I asked looking at Aura. Aura put the radishes down and motioned for us all to get in a circle. “They don’t know they are fully grown radishes,” she whispered. “They were raised right next to a row of sugar beets and since both vegetables are red, they think they are baby beets.” “Oh,” I whispered back, “ In that case we shouldn’t tell them and hurt their feelings” Did I tell you that being polite is very, very,…oh, yes, of course I did. “Well then I think we can eat and…” “No not yet,” Jillie and Aura said at the same time. “You didn’t tell us about the cheese?” “Oh, yes, the cheese,” I said, putting on my best sick face. “I had forgotten about it because I have eaten so much in the last two days I don’t think I could suffer through another bite.” “Cheese makes Ogres sick,” Affable Albert announced for all to hear. But I already knew that and so did all the Dryads. “Well, that particular wheel of cheese happens to think that he is not made in The Withywoods but in Switzerland and he thinks he has fancy holes all through him.” “What a very odd way to think,” Aura said, in a hushed whisper. “But he must taste very different and exotic if he thinks he was made overseas in a foreign country,” Jillie mused out load. “Well you and Aura will have to tell us because I’m sure Albert and I don’t care to eat any…I am saving room for the buffalo and corn on the cob and maybe a baby beet. So, Jillie and Aura would get the cheese all to themselves, which was just the way I planned it.
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 02:14:41 +0000
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