As our family prepared for Angela and I’s wedding this year, my Mother in Law (to be, at this stage), said “you know you could end up being divorced and widowed before the age of 40 aye?” – An unenviable title! Yep, that was a very high possibility, and so it turned out to be. As Angela lay dying I whispered many things in her ear. One of those was “I wouldnt change a thing bub, I wouldnt change a thing”. Why in my moment of complete and utter despair did I feel like this? Because I knew, no matter what happens in the future, my life would forever be better as a result of the relatively short time we spent together. The love we shared was so even and pure and true. Is there anything at all I wouldnt go through to experience that? Probably not. Would I do it again? I don’t know if it is ever in me to risk that again, but I guess time will tell. Every cliché, every saying about death and grief is true. Time is a healer, they never leave you, it is better to have loved and lost… As I tap away at the computer, Ange’s best friend is sitting with me. Holly is a constant reminder to our family of the incredible woman we have lost. Fear not however, Holly is over it already (that little tart, her Mum would NOT be happy!). Yesterday morning was the first day since Anglea passed, that I have woken up and shared a laugh about Angela with her parents. We laughed about how I just did one of my terrible 1980’s break dance moves that made Angela genuinely angry… oh how I loved to do it to wind her up! We also laughed about how much trouble I’d be in for forgetting to take Holly’s collar off overnight. Today (and maybe just today) I am committing myself to helping all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, in putting this Humpty back together again. Because, I want climb out of this awful funk, continually shrouded in a dark cloud of grief. I know my beautiful wife wants, nay demands that I carry on. Bub, I know I will trip and fall a thousand times before my time is through, but I will get there. I haven’t told you in a while, but you already know aye? I love you, a million times I love you. I am so proud of you and I wouldnt change a single thing. Now because I want to get it onto the BMFL YouTube channel and I am feeling tough enough to do it, today I am re-posting our engagement video, filmed and edited by the freakishly talented (or just a freak), Chris Lane of Big Kid Film Productions. So here’s the deal, you are allowed to be grumpy after reading this post, but ONLY if you watch this video and you don’t smile at least once. Go on, I dare you not to smile! Be Better, Love Better (and today, smile better) PS It’s best viewed in HD but changing the setting. Click on the little cogged wheel bottom right :)
Posted on: Tue, 18 Nov 2014 17:12:00 +0000
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