As requested, 13 things you (probably) didnt know about me until now. 1. I was, like MacDuff from Shakespeares MacBeth, from the womb untimely ripped. Meaning, I was a scheduled Caesarian section that the doctor accidently miscalculated my due date and I was taken out of my mom a month and a half TOO EARLY. I was blue and not breathing and my dad had to hold me like a football and rush me down the Hallway to the Intensive Care Unit, where I stayed for weeks until I was ready to go home. 2. I had a deathly fear of needles (my guess is from being poked and prodded every hour on the hour as a preemie in intensive care) and didnt really get over it until I got my first nose piercing on the streets of Berkeley at 15 with my moral support team of Tana Chmieleski and Jessica Corgiat, my first tattoo at 18 with Sarah Lyons, and my first AND ONLY nipple ring at 19 with Monika Chavez. 3. When I was six or so, I really wanted to know what a grape smelled like. I put one that, in hindsight, was a little too small for said smelling exercise, and it went right up my nostril. It was stuck there for over an hour while my parents figured out what to do, as it wouldnt come out by blowing, tweezing, and the like. My dads patience waned, and eventually he just grabbed my nose really hard, popped the grape and the juice and skin oozed out my nose, with me laughing all the while because that is how I deal with pain. 4. After a church roller skating event, I went to go show off my prized kitten who happened to be among a bunch of paint on a shelf in the garage. I stood on a wheelbarrow, grabbed the kitten and with him, apparently a can of black wood stain, which fell all over me and the kitten, making a pool in the wheelbarrow for us to swim in. I had to have my eyes flushed with water for ten minutes (pure torture) and be washed off with cooking oil in the bathtub, as the wood stain was oil based. My kitten Grady did not survive despite many church members washing bathing and drying him off. At church the next weekend, we had a special visitor from Ethiopia, and he came up to me and joked, I heard you looked a lot like me last week. Yes, I was black for a day. 5. We had a turkey named Tommy who bit everyone on the butt. I had come home from soccer practice one day, and for some reason, I stopped running from him, and turned to do the best swivel kick straight to Tommys fat breast. He went flying across the yard and did not get up. Yes, I Killed our family Turkey when I was only 9. My dad came home to discover Tommy dead and because he really loved the turkey, I said I didnt know what happened. It wasnt until I was around 18, that I finally fessed up, but all my dad said was I wish you would have told me, sis, then we would have ate him for dinner. I thought he had a disease so we didnt cook em up. Moral of the story: dont bite me on the butt. EVER. 6. Speaking of eating meat, I grew up on Venison burgers, antelope stew, elk steak, and fried catfish. Yep, a real epicurean diet folks. Thats why I turned Vego at the ripe age of 11. 7. Still on food-- I ABHOR GOATS CHEESE. As in absolutely hate. And pretty much any other stinky nasty cheese, like blue cheese. I never really understood why I hated goats cheese so much until I lived on a hippie commune for two years with Goats, and their cheese or milk tastes exactly like they smell. Cant do it, so take your supposedly gourmet Vego food and ruin it with goats cheese. I just wont eat it. Ever. 8. Going back to being black for a day- I was a member of the Black Student Union in High School. They all tried to get me to do STOMP team with them, but I said they were just out to prove that white people aint got no rhythm. But they did manage to teach me one of their routines, and I still remember parts of it today. 9. One of the first houses I moved into was with my BFF Sarah Lyons. But our landlord had man boobs and didnt allow us to have male overnight visitors, a rule which we clearly broke. Ha! You got us kicked out for that one Sarah! But I still love ya, even if you did make me eat easy cheese and be your lotion girl. Those were good times! 10. I started out as a business marketing major in college, but when I found out I had to take accounting, I ditched my nearly completed major for another two years of study to get my B.A. In SOCIAL SCIENCES, with concentrations in History, political Science, economics, and Geography. I was lucky enough to study Permaculture as a minor, and did my senior project on Native Wildflowers of California and Seed Saving Techniques. 11. I worked for a Medical Cannabis Dispensary in California, trimming weed legally for patients with chronic illnesses and happily paid federal taxes on my earnings. Yes Uncle Sam, you just as happily took my money from a so called schedule one drug. I still kept one of my pay checks to prove it. 12. I have thousands of hours of unedited video footage of my life, some of which was self produced into a feature length political video rant entitled, Beyond Bushwhacked: Dare to Go B.A.R.E. If there is one thing I can be thankful for that came out of the Bush years, it was that he inspired me to learn video production, from filming to editing. 13. I have recently decided to no longer run for President of the United States in 2016, because I do not believe in the antiquated political systems that are plaguing our planet. I would like to instead run for Intergalactic Emissary and represent the human race in our relations with extraterrestrials and multidimensional beings. We as a human family should start to look past our borders, boundaries, and nations, and instead foster a culture of humanity on a planetary scale. We are starting the InterGalactic Alliance and I invite all of you reading this to join. PM me if ya feel me! We are still keeping it on the DL for now. I guess if you made it through this far, you really are my friend, and know me well enough to know that the last one is not just crazy talk, but something I believe in. It irks me everyday that we are so caught up in our silly little lives, that we fail to see the earthly ramifications our human actions have on our planet. If we can seek guidance from other more intelligent beings, than why the hell arent we? For the love of the universe, they have spaceships, and I dont even have my hover board. We are still driving internal combustion cars and they were invented a hundred years ago. Its time to do something, but that involves talking about it. Thats what I am doing and I dont mind being the crazy one who starts the conversation. Ive been called crazy my whole life, but I wouldnt have it any other way. Congratulations! You have just made it through my longest FB post EVER! I love you. Thanks for being my friend.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 05:59:27 +0000
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