As the 2015 elections draw near, it is important to identify 15 core reasons why the incumbent president should be re-elected into office. These laudable reasons are worthwhile ventures/projects Mr. Jonathan is proud of, as another electioneering process approaches. These reasons include: TOTAL REMOVAL OF FUEL SUBSIDY: Come July 2015, he will fully remove the fuel subsidy. Hence, the sufferings of Nigerians will significantly increase. PURCHASE OF NEW JETS: With public funds will he purchase tear-rubber, factory-fitted FalconX flying jets worth 8million each. OPERATION FEED THE PRESIDENT: With N1billion, cassava bread will be his daily meal over the course of a year. Thereby, ensuring that the number one citizen is well fed and well bred. This Operation Feed The President (OFP) will be carried out side by side famine in the land. THE FIRST LADY IS COMING, CLEAR THE ROAD: While in office, Nigerian roads will be blocked, disabling Nigerians from heading to offices, markets et al because The First Lady (an individual who holds no executive position and not elected by the citizens) wants to ply the road. # TakeMoreOfOurGirls: More girls may go missing and the Presidency will as usual, fail to rescue them. SCRATCH MY BACK, I SCRATCH YOURS: Since N21billion have been raised and donated by individuals in the society for Jonathan’s campaign, these rational businessmen will look forward to the President fulfilling his side of the bargain by awarding them with unmerited contracts and/or political appointments. IF THEY DON’T RETURN HOME, KILL THEM: Many more Nigerians living in diaspora will be killed for offences they know virtually nothing about while the President and/or the ambassadors to such lands wines and dines with the Heads of Government over jobs well executed. PRIORITIES OVER PRIORITIES: The President will either go for a campaign rally or go celebrate with an ‘icon’ who adds a year as Nigerians are bombed into oblivion. THEY WOULD COME OUT OF THEIR SHELLS: More Bode Georges, Diepreye Alamaiseghas will be released from custody or given Presidential Pardons and will be celebrated and paraded as role models for upcoming looters. Not only that, they would be conferred with GCON, OFN, CFR judging by the amount of loot the looter was able to cart with. The higher the loot, the higher the award, the lower the loot, the lower the award. FEDERAL UNIVERSITY STUDENTS, YOU’RE AT RISK: More Federal Universities stand the risk of having a name change. As changing UNILAG to MAULAG was a more important priority than curbing insurgency. Uites, Awoites take note. MORE CLAUSES WILL BE BIRTHED: More nonsensical clauses such as ‘Stealing is not corruption’ will come from the Presidency. Thereby, encouraging crimes such as pickpocketing, burglary in the Nigerian social space as the Number 1 citizen had given a nod to Stealing. YOU STAND A CHANCE OF BEING APPOINTED MINISTER: It does not matter what your area of expertise is, you stand a chance of serving in the government provided you are another potential Diezani, Labaran or Wike. THE NAIRA WILL BE COMPETING WITH THE ZIMBABWEAN DOLLAR IN ROCK BOTTOM: The N185 to an US Dollar will be a thing of the past as it would have doubled few months after he enters office. Most likely, N370 per American dollar. OPERATION KILL MORE STUDENTS: More students will be dragged out of their rooms in the dead of the night to be shot in the open as the Presidency has been slow and unable to curb or even curtail insurgency. THE ASO ROCK ZOO IS THE NEW NIGERIA AND ITS ANIMALS, THE NEW NIGERIAN CITIZENS Another N15million will be spent on horses for the Aso Rock Zoo, N14.5million would be expended on more wild animals and another N800million to upgrade the Zoo. Welfare at its peak…Vote Wisely! Ore Afolayan. Director of Public Media, Progressive Students of Nigeria.
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 20:52:57 +0000