AsContinued from Last Week…. If youre decidedly not an Extreme Offerer, but some things Part 2 of Askers and offerers and why we all get our energy depleted if these things happen!! 2. Over Offerer Unlike the Extreme Offerer, you do have some boundaries. Boundaries are good! They help to keep you from being depleted. The problem. Over offerers dont just give their all to everyone, but they do have a hard time with relationships that are really important to them. This is because when its dealing with someone they really love or someone theyre really interested in off the bat, they tend to overdo it. They arent really conscious of it, it happens naturally. A new relationship, a new job, they will do their best and be the most considerate person ever, and never ask for anything in return. This on the reflection end can cause some problems. For relationships, it will actually push away independent folks who feel its on the smothering side. So the only folks who will maintain an interest are the ones who naturally take a little (or a lot) more. After awhile, instead of appreciating whats already been given, they may seek more from the over offerer. The over offerer will then pull back, feeling a bit shocked that after all theyve done, more is expected. This leads to a roller coaster of relationship failures that all started out so wonderful and promising but ended up with a whole lot of grief. As if the two who entered into the relationship became two entirely different people by the end. With long term friendships or acquaintances, this isnt a problem. Things are equal and good. No one is overdone and no one is undone…though the friends may not be able to understand why their nice friend has so many problems in the relationship department. This can also be a problem with a new job that the over offerer was really really excited to get. In the beginning of a working relationship, a bar is set. The over offerer is appreciative of the job and will always volunteer to do more, help more, and take on extra. Instead of becoming appreciated, this ends up being taken advantage of. Why ask a dozen people if they can stay late when the boss knows the over offerer will always say yes? Its a time saver…but the over offerer may view it as not being appreciated or that they are being asked too much or not appreciated. So overall, the over offerer has a lot more stability in life with relationships that do not really inspire their passion or that theyre not really motivated to do their absolute best in. Those other relationships and friendships may then face a whole lot of joy talk in the beginnings and woe is me at the endings of the over offerers life changes. And it really is an emotional roller coaster. But they wont get off that ride until its recognized for what it is: theyre ultimately sabotaging whats most exciting and important to them with a pattern that doesnt serve them. The solution. Keep in in check. Learn patience. Relax. Deep breaths. Dont get caught up in the excitement of that ride at the start. Its good to be happy about something new. In fact its GREAT! But keep in mind that what you put out at the beginning is what will be expected throughout. Remember past relationships and how once you depleted yourself there was nothing left to give and yet the other person was tapping their foot expecting more. Set yourself up to succeed instead of to crash and burn. Temperance is a must. Go for the long haul rather than the short term and with your actions, think consciously if this is something you want to repeat for the next decade or not. Volunteer to do extra work, sure, sometimes. But not always. If you always volunteer, then unfortunately your time will become of less value to the boss because you give it up so readily. Same goes with relationships. Keep hold of your whole life and add the relationship to it. Dont get swept away in a whirlwind no matter how much you like the person ---ESPECIALLY if you really like the person. Slow and steady wins the race.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 15:09:17 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015