At times it seems like its not real. Its like any moment she will walk in the door after a long work shift, take her shower, and meet me on the couch. It still hasnt set in that this is permanent. Its like it is a phase I am going through and all the adjustments I am making are temporary. Only theyre not. She will never be waiting for me at the door with one of my favorite dishes in the oven, the wonderful aroma of time spent in the kitchen with her latest tasty experiment wafting through the air. I will never enjoy those meals again. Who else can make granny potatoes (so named because granny made them that way)? I never paid attention in the kitchen as she made the dish we called something chicken because she said I had to name it something. No more of the meal we called cocoa pollo- another dish recommended to us that, although I know the ingredients, could never hope to duplicate. Life has now become one of firsts and nevers. I am continually seeing people for the first time that havent seen me since I last saw Wanda. And a number of them do not know what I have gone through over the last 98 days. I will also face a number of life events without her while trying to wrap my mind around the fact that she will never experience those things again. My first Fall without her. And there will never again be a Fall with her. Our first niece to be born without her here to welcome him or her. And she will never welcome another with me. The list of firsts and nevers is endless. And, although I try my best not to dwell on this fact its like telling a child not to scratch at a mosquito bite. Before long I have bothered with it that it is no longer an annoyance and is now a pain. I remember 7 years ago and the number of times we would want to tell or show Beth something only to realize, quite quickly, that it was impossible to do so. So then one of us would say, you wait here, Im going to go see Beth and tell her. Well, it looks like I am the one waiting. So, if I may make one suggestion to you let it be this: life is too short to ignore the little events in your life until they become firsts and nevers. Remind your spouse that you love them. Hug your kids a little bit tighter. Not because you may never get another chance, but because you dont want a chance to pass you by.
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 04:02:34 +0000
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