Aww you guys, your well wishings bring a tear to my japs eye, its very much appreciated, thank you so much for your kindness. As first days go, this one will most likely go down in history as the most exhilarating first day at work anyone has ever had, ever! Its no secret that I took a huge gamble leaving the retail world considering my iconic status in the retail industry and the colossal OAP fanbase I built up after producing four years of never seen before erotic shelf stacking. I left Dunnes with a heavy heart but as I explained in my news letter to my loyal OAP fans, I needed a fresh challenge, both for myself and for them. Its also no secret that I dont do things in halves. After all, you dont reach the pinnacle of the retail industry like I did by spending half your working day in the mineral container writing facebook statuses ;) You do it with hard graft, meticulous preparation, flawless execution and a lovely bum. So with a fresh new challenge beckoning, I knew Id have to arm myself with impeccable knowledge of the cleaning game, learn the history of the practice, learn who the big hitters in the game are and plan my route to the very top of the industry. With that in mind I took three weeks off work, gave up the drink, read every cleaning book I could get my hands on and cleaned me mas gaf every day, 12 hours a day for three weeks. So I went in to my first day in the new job today oozing confidence. I wasnt intimidated by the trainers and their fancy degrees. What I lack in qualifications I more than make up in with hunger, star appeal, charisma and a lovely bum. The training session started out feisty, the trainers had their programme to get through but I had my own agenda. After correcting the teacher on a hygiene issue for the third time she sarcastically asked me would I like to teach the class myself? She was rather taken a back when I stood up, cracked a smile, picked up my brief case and said I thought youd never ask. It was at this moment I proceeded to deliver a 5 hour speech on hygiene that made Martin Luther Kings I have a dream speech look like one of Giovani Trappatonis post match interviews as Ireland manager. The closing line of the speech was I am now on a quest to become the greatest cleaner of all time. After a standing ovation from everyone in the room, I looked towards the trainer who was almost hostile towards me earlier. I noticed she had tears of joy streaming down her face. As she finished wiping those heartfelt tears, she walked towards me as I stood in the middle of the room, she hugged me, gave me a gentle peck on the cheek and said Leigh, you already are the greatest cleaner of all time :D
Posted on: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 17:15:01 +0000
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