BEAUTY FOR ASHES! I grew up in a family full of turmoil that I did not understand at the time. Fighting was the order of the day. Everyone would scream and yell at each other any time, any how. If you were going to make it in my family, you had to be big and bad. Intimidating! Without that you were relegated to the heap of weaklings that we all looked down upon. Perhaps where this infighting was felt the most was at the top. Mom and Dad could go at it for hours and it was horrendous for us kids. The insults, the hurtful words spoken, the hidden things revealed in the heat of the moment and in some cases the horrible silence that followed after dad finally had enough and silenced Mom with a resounding slap! Even worse, I think, was hearing Moms muffled cries after it was all said and done. I hated marriage and I hated family. You can imagine that the tension filtered down to the kids. We resolved our issues the same way they did. We yelled, screamed and fought. Many things were said, insults were traded and some hurtful things still ring in our ears to date. Even today, the decibel levels at my house can get pretty high. As I got older I could not imagine getting myself in a marriage. What I had seen all my life was ugly at best, I had had enough. No need for an encore. As my friends started getting married in our twenties I would go to the weddings, congratulate the couple and walk away with a sigh of relief that it was not me. I was the lucky one. I had dodged a bullet!! It was not until I was about 26 that I began to desire marriage. I remember calling my Mom and saying to her, Mom, I am ready now to get married! How wrong I was!! I would have made the very same mistakes she made had I been married then. That declaration, however, began a journey of discovery on marriage. I read widely, finding blogs written by godly women on marriage and the home. I also bought and read book after book on godly marriage. God changed my heart towards marriage, pointed out the various roles of a wife and showed me what a godly marriage was like by giving me friends whose parents were living it out. I had to reconcile myself to what God was revealing to me and it was not easy. He showed me the role of the woman in marriage. He would show me the truth in his word and point out the mistakes Mom had made so that I could learn from them. I saw how her lack of submission had led to the horrendous power struggle that we saw day in and day out in the home. I saw how it made Dad distance himself from her. I took note of the lack of peace in the home. It was not a place that any one of us found rest for our souls. Its no wonder that both of my sisters rushed into marriage. They needed to get away. I took a different route - I left the country altogether. My brothers just drank themselves into a stupor night after night. I never heard the words Im sorry and the one time I apologized to my Mom it got thrown back in my face so badly it felt like a slap. I never did it again. I never saw any tender touches - hugs, kisses or pats on the back. I never heard words of encouragement or praise. It was one criticism after another. God taught me how to love with touches and kisses. How to encourage and uplift and praise those around me. He taught me how to apologize and receive an apology with kindness and grace. More importantly, he taught me how to communicate without having to yell, scream, argue or fight. He has taught me that submission is for my gain. He has taught me to create a peaceful, restful atmosphere at home. How to make my loved ones feel truly loved. My prayer to him is that I will have a marriage that demonstrates what God had in mind in the beginning when he made marriage and said It is good. I know that many can relate to my story. God wants to give you beauty for those ashes too. May our marriages give him glory. May we walk them out the way God intended. May our hearts desire be to create a better home and family for our kids. May Gods own will be done in every marriage and every home represented here. Whether it now is or is yet to come.
Posted on: Wed, 09 Apr 2014 03:34:15 +0000
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