BREAKING NOPD NEWS Mayor Landriue has just announced a new plan that he says will reduce the size of the NOPD, reduce costs, cut the NOPD budget in half, yet double the number of officers on the streets. The new plan, called Downsize NOPD, Supersize Service is somewhat literal in its application. At this evenings press confrence announcing the new strategy, Landriue said this: We simply have to many average size or bigger sized officers in the NOPD. These average size officers need mid-size cars to patrol in, normal sized desk to sit in and just generally take up a lot of space. The departure of an oversized superintendent, in a sense, makes even further downsizing just common sense. Beginning immediately, the NOPD will begin laying off all officers who are 56 or taller. We will aggressivley recruit and hire only those individuals who stand 55 or less. Incentive pay will be offered to dwarfs and midgets. Our initial projections indicate this plan would realize savings for the City in excess of $20 million dollars a year. When asked to explain, Landirue said Its simple, smaller people eat less, so they dont need to be paid as much as average size person. We can purchase little bitty Fiat type patrol cars which will save on gas, and tiny little pair of pants and a little bitty shirt just dont cost much. Even the cost of future police stations will be reduced since little people, sorry, little employees, just dont need as much room. We will use those savings to hire an additional 900 smaller police officers. That would bring out total strength up to over 1500 officers. The Mayor indicated that the situation facing New Orleans requires new thinking and new ideas, and he was considering other areas of City government where this initiative could be used. He did however, acknowledge the plan did have some pitfalls. We do realize that would no longer be able to utilize the 5th floor of NOPD headquarters because the elevators buttons are to high, but thats a small price to pay for such a huge savings. When asked for comment, PANO Attorney Eric Hessler, voiced support saying Its a great idea, I love me some little people.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Aug 2014 02:58:47 +0000
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