BREAST CANCER .... its not end I somehow came back home and sat cold and numb. Shiv continued calling me and frustrated I threw it away. About midnight I heard my doorbell. I knew it was Shiv. But I couldn’t let him wait outside, Shillong was freezing. “Why did you leave Lavanya?” As always Shiv was blunt, to the point. “Shiv we have nothing to talk about. I ....” “I am freezing let me in at least.” I was losing; Shiv knew how much I desired him and he would make the most of it. He quietly entered and made himself comfortable and said, “what is it Lavanya? I want to know everything. You just can’t shut me without a reason.” “Shiv I just don’t want to get married. I am commitment phobic I...” “I want the truth Lavanya. Don’t try and pretend with me.” He pulled me closer and made me face him, “please don’t do this to us Lavanya.” I had locked up all the tears for four long years and all of it came back. I broke down, remembering each and every bitter moment of my life. Shiv held me in his strong embrace and kept cradling me. “Did I hurt you Lavanya?” he said planting soft kisses on my head. “Shiv we aren’t meant to be. You have no idea about my past.” “Everyone here knows you have a past Lavanya. Something you want to forget at any cost. Why else would you come to this corner of the country? But you know Lavanya my Mamma says the only thing matters is the present.” “Shiv I....” He didn’t force me, he just held me till the time I was ready to speak. “Shiv the Lavanya you see now is not what I was when I left Mumbai. I got a degree in fashion designing and got married to my childhood sweetheart Yash.” I thought Shiv would react; he did but with a reassuring hug. “Yash was crazy about me. I was so happy in our little home that I didn’t even pursue my career. The first two years was like a fairytale. And then...” “He was seeing someone else?” Shiv looked like a protective lover. I held on to him to get some warmth, the moment would be gone soon. “It wasn’t so easy Shiv, there was no one between us. I fell ill. I was diagnosed with breast cancer.” “Lavanya...” Shiv was panic stricken. “Lavanya lets discuss all of it later. You need to rest.” “No Shiv I am okay. I guess it’s time for you leave.” “Lavanya how does this affect our relationship?” Now how would I tell him? I thought he would understand and I could stop without getting into the details. “Shiv don’t you understand? I am imperfect.” “What rubbish Lavanya? Hundreds of cancer survivors start a new life. And you started one is absolute style. You must be an inspiration for hundreds of women who suffer from breast cancer.” Damn Shiv, was he really this naive? “And Lavanya don’t tell me you belong to the school of thought which says divorcees are fallen people. I wanted to stay strong but I broke down. The doctors said that was the only way to save my life. Yash seemed withdrawn since the time I got cancer. I thought it was because of the financial and emotional strain. Until that night when he said I looked ugly, I looked unwomanly. He couldn’t even think about making love to me. Yash wanted divorce.
Posted on: Sat, 15 Jun 2013 14:57:50 +0000
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