BY: Evelyn Bergquist Brenntrø “Hi Y/N. I don’t expect you to answer my message, but I hope you will. I choose not to call cause’ I would probably just blow it by stuttering. I feel message is more deep and personally anyway… This one will probably be long though and I hope you’re reading it right now. I really want you to hear me out.I’m sorry is the first thing I have to say. I’m really sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed my comfort. The truth is, I got scared. In fact terrified… I knew you were as well. It was obvious when I saw your tears fall while you said it to me. Which was what scared me the most. It wasn’t a joke, neither it was a bad dream. It was reality and I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t imagine you gone. I freaked out. This time I couldn’t swoop in and fix things like I tend to do. I couldn’t cure you from what was killing you inside. I was powerless and I knew you were leaving very soon. Am I too late for your forgiveness? I miss you so much and I see now how indescribably awful it will be when you leave me. I pray, beg and wish everyday that you somehow will survive, return or what so ever. I force myself to believe in infinity and faith. You’re faith must be more than this.I couldn’t watch you shattered and broken. I couldn’t watch the day you pull your last breath. But wherever I go, I still do. I see you and it breaks me. I see you every night in my dreams and I scream for you to wake up every single time, but you just lay there with a haunted smile. You were gone…You’re the closest thing I come to heaven, if you’re gone… Where would I be then? I’m scared Y/N. I know you see me as a friend, but to me… You’re more than that. I love you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t tough enough to be there with you all the way which I should’ve done. I just… I don’t want you to go…”Reading through my message, I saw my tears drip down my phone screen. Sniffing, I wiped it away with my thumb. I still felt I haven’t written all of my feelings down. I guess, no words could describe it. Closing my eyes, I squeezed my phone inside my hands as I held it against my forehead. I then let myself cry. Ey, lad. Are you co- Zayn started, but as he saw me his voice drowned. You wanna be alone? he asked. Uh… I started as I pressed my eyes together letting tears fall. Clearing my throat, I sniffed once again. Yes, please… I fought a sob. I see, Zayn answered.You can talk to me, you kno- I know, but I just want to be alone right now… I’ll catch you guys up later, I answered quick. Still feeling his presence, I kept looking down my shoes as I had my arms leaned upon my knees. He then finally walked away, and I let my hands down. Looking up the sealing, I breathed out the sorrow in me. Suddenly my phone vibrated and my heart jumped feeling adrenalin stream through my veins. Finding out the message was from her, I opened it quickly. It’s not to late. I miss you too xxTears streamed down my face as I read it. I didn’t want to say goodbye… I wouldn’t take it… It would be to much for me to handle… But still, I had too. Standing up the bench, I felt my knees weaken. Wiping my tears away, I walked out the wardrobe. Unlawful absence was the least thing I cared about right now. I needed to see her. If it so was the last time. I needed to.As I arrived the hospital, I walked up the reception. Y/N, I said to the lady behind the desk. She typed the name and looked at me over her glasses. Are you family?she asked. Stuttering, she looked back on her computer. Friend, was all I could say. You’re name please? she asked again. Why did she need my name?Niall, I answered. Horan? she looked at me curious. Confused, I nodded. How did you know? I asked. You’re the only friend she allowed to visit, she said.Fourth floor, department D, room 347,she continued. Blinking twice, I probably looked like a question mark. She then wrote it down on a note. Thank you, I mumbled as I took it. Turning around, I started walking towards the elevator. As the elevator plinged and the doors slid open, I walked out. I then started heading towards department D. Looking around, I could see the big D letter on a sign. As I walked passed rooms, I stopped in front of Y/N’s. 347… Taking a deep breath, I felt my knees weaken again as my whole body shook. Knocking on the door, I let my hand against the doorknob. Holding my breath, I twisted it before opening the door. Walking inside, I saw her in the bed. She turned her head and I saw her smile conjure up the moment she saw me. She didn’t look good though, she looked weak… Closing the door after me, I started walking towards her. You came, her sour, hoarse voice said. I felt tear fighting at once. I sat down the chair by her bed as I took her skinny hand. It was a horrible sight. Her little spark was struggling on surviving. If I only could light up and turn her spark into a huge fire.Is there really nothing they can do? I muttered, holding her hand against my lips.Shaking her head, I saw a single teardrop trickle down the corner of her eye. If it was, it’s too late now, she almost whispered. I don’t want to say goodbye, I sobbed as I kissed her hand and closed my eyes in pain. Hearing her chuckle softly, I pulled my lips away. She had the faint smile… The faint haunted smile in my dreams. It don’t have to be either, she mumbled. Wiggling away, she turned her body aside. She then pulled her hand away from my grip and patted on the empty space she made. I want to cuddle, she whispered, forcing a brighter smile. I laid down beside her and felt her body wiggle closer to mine. Raising my arm, she let her head upon my chest. I then let my hand gently rest upon her back. Hearing her heavy breaths, I tried to ignore the fact she had her eyes close. Feeling my body shake, I tried to distract myself by stroking her back. Don’t be afraid, she whispered as I felt her palm against my heart. I can’t help it, you can leave me any minute… Just like in my dream… Kissing my cheek, she made it felt like something bloom on it. As if she planted a seed of love… It tickled. I know it would hurt you more to know, but I guess it’s better than that you never hear it from me, she started. I looked down on her confused. I do love you too Niall,she faintly smiled. My eyes widened as tears filled them. Feeling my pulse raise so did the sobs come from deep inside. She then let her head back upon my chest. Shhh… Don’t cry. Love is supposed to make us happy. Not burst in tears, she tried to comfort me. Closing my eyes, I curled my body in hers.Nothing can make me happy right now. You’re leaving, I sobbed as I kissed her head. Not at all, she answered. I’ll be everywhere, she continued. Looking up on me, she kept her tiny smile. “I’ll be the breeze you feel in the air, I’ll be the earth your walking on, I’ll be the wave you hear from the ocean, I’ll be the one making branches move and make their music,”she giggled. Kissing her forehead, tears kept trickling down. Sniffing I pulled away, drowning a sob. I’ll never touch you again, I’ll never hear your voice again, I’ll never see your face again… YOU will be gone, I let the sob out. You’ve always been my savior Niall,she whispered. Brushing her cheek, her eyes closed. I’m tired, she yawned. Feeling it ache from the roots of my heart. I squeezed her in my embrace. You can’t leave me yet… I don’t know how I’m supposed to carry on. You have to help me. I have no clue Y/N… I don’t want to be on this world without you. No one will understand… My heart will bleed and I’ll drown… No one will notice, but I will… I’m scared… I- It’s going to be fine. Just try and let the time heal you, I won’t leave you Niall. I’ll be in here, she whispered having her palm against my heart. Feeling my heart scream and twist in pain, I let my lips rest upon her head again. Goodnight Niall, she whispered. Closing my eyes, I breathed on the same pace as her. I felt her chest rise up and down slowly with mine. Goodnight, I whispered back. Feeling my heart ache badly, my body froze as it was stuck. It didn’t pump, making my whole body stop it’s motion. I couldn’t twist in pain, I was just laying there holding her. Feeling her chest not move any longer, so didn’t mine. Was it heart attack? I said I couldn’t handle it…
Posted on: Sun, 27 Oct 2013 12:23:59 +0000
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