Because God Made It So Many people have asked me, after the passing of my mother, how can you be so strong? Others had warned me that it would hit me really hard when I went to Jamaica. And still others say I am in denial. Truth be told, it hit me the moment I heard that she didnt make it through the night. I cried; in fact, I bawled as my body trembled, but fortunately there was someone nearby to hold me and hush me like a baby. I broke down as I washed her used dishes and threw out food from her refrigerator and I woke up every two hours when I slept in her bed, smelling her with every turn and toss, wondering how the night could have been so long. Each day, I experience a plethora of emotions, most of which I do not understand. But... I am strong because God had told me, weeks in advance, that He was going to take my mother. Yes, He had sent a bird to my window to sing a sad, haunting song which only said in meaning, Your mother is going to die. Still again, as I drove on the highway two days before her passing, a gentle voice in my head said, Ruth-Ann, prepare to lose your mother. But instead of praying for Gods will to be done, I kept praying for Him to keep her alive. I can never understand the logics behind death, but through faith, I believe that this life is not the end. The God I serve would not let us live and learn, face so many challenges and overcome them, just to die forever. I refuse to believe there is no afterlife and because I know that I will see my mother again, I cannot continue mourning. I am sad because I miss the interaction with her and I want to see her physical being in my presence, but I am looking forward to seeing her on the other side, and knowing I have control over my actions makes me happy. I control whether I will make it to the beautiful, happy shore. Her death only made me stronger, knowing that if I can survive and function through this, I can handle just about anything without losing my mind. Because God made it so...
Posted on: Mon, 19 Jan 2015 00:55:59 +0000
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