Been a good 4th of July. Always good when I can be around my family. Owe so much to them and how they have tried to help me. All I did was complain about them and hurt them by letting others influence me and made so many bad decisions by hanging around that type of person. If you ever want to better yourself you have to step away from the likes of some people who exploit you and want to control you. Love is not control. Love is not holding strings over your head and using your kids against you. Love is not destroying your wife and baby girl. I wish I was more like the only one who ever went out of her way to help me. I stepped all over her, treated her awful and betrayed her in every way possible. She still was the best thing that ever happened to me and always will be. It is my loss that I wasted so many years on people who are stupid and who had no intention of doing anything but hurt me and try to control me. You have to open your eyes and see the cold hard truth and realize what you have done and it is not fun nor is it pretty. I owed that woman so much and will never be able to repay her for the way she stood by me and stood up to me trying to help me become what my parents failed to show me. Love, and how to respect people and have morals and character. I should have been able to figure all this out on my own, but I didnt. I was co-dependent on people who exploited me and enabled me so they could push me around like a puppet and tell me how to live my life. Those days are long gone and finally I have peace of mind without being in all that turmoil of trying to be someone I am not. I see now what my wife tried to show me and tell me all these years. She tried to show me how to overcome my past and how to depend on God to help me do it, but I fought her over and over and hurt her so bad and destroyed her health and tried to destroy her self-esteem and let others try to hurt her also. Those days will never happen again. She deserves so much better than me and so much better in life. The people that talk about her and slander her wish they were half as good as she is. I learnt the hard way and she knew years ago that I was doomed if I didnt escape my past and get my life in order. I wouldnt be here today if not for her and her concern for my health and for everything that concerned me. IF anyone thinks that they know me, they are dead wrong/ My own parents didnt even know me nor did they try to know me. They just used me for their own selfish gains and needs. Love is not control and love does not destroy . I found what love is and see it clearly and see how much love was shown to me by my wife and I didnt appreciate it but sure missed out on all those years that I was hanging around scum and throwing my life away doing selfish and ugly things. I am ashamed I ever met the evil that I was involved in and hope to never see or hear anything to do with that again. Going to keep bettering myself and also working on being the person that i should have been all along. Noone took my smile away except the ugly hateful crowd who tried to ruin my life and ruin my wife and child. I smiled plenty till I got involved with low class and child haters. It used to bother me that my Mother hates me, but it is the best thing she could do for me. She doesnt do anything but destroy and I dont need that in my life. ANyone else that loves that kind of
Posted on: Fri, 05 Jul 2013 03:29:32 +0000