Been a long emotional day. All day I havent been able to shake the feeling of irritation and apathy. It finally dawned on me why I have been so much more upset... today is a month since Kev passed. Hard to believe only a little more than a month ago I held my husband in my arms in our bed and I told him I loved him more than anything in the world. I miss him so much. I am feeling utterly lost without him. Missing his embrace, his kiss, and his sweet words. Hard to believe he is gone. It has been like I have been walking in a fog the last month. I cant imagine this world without him! Everyday I just keep pushing through to find purpose and happiness again. There was always something to do whether call the multitude of doctors, research, cook, clean, or simply lay by his side. Now there nothing but me... just me and my thoughts, and the jacked up reality without him. It is so hard to get out of bed much less do laundry and cook. I eat out of necessity not because I want to. I spend my days working and praying and listening to my Christian music. I am definably leaning on the everlasting arms daily. The old hymn I need thee every hour seems to be my anthem, and I find refuge in psalm 46. vs 1-11 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, 3 though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.[c] 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. 5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. 6 Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. 7 The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. 8 Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. 9 He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields[d] with fire. 10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” 11 The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 04:28:29 +0000
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