Been emotional since I got that missed call yesterday. I cried myself to sleep and woke up in the middle of the nite crying. I knew there was a great possibility there be back lash from my ex Matt for me creating the miscarriage support group in our babys name. However, deep down I still hoped he would not be so hurtful and hateful towards me after all that Ive been throu the last few mths...that he would see what hes done and let me heal peacefully. This was my 1st baby, our baby, yet I still get made to feel like its not real and that theres something wrong with me. I took a huge step and had the weight lifted off my shoulders by sharing my story, medical info, and pics with his family. I wasnt trying to hurt him, start trouble, or degrade him in any way. I talked this idea over with my therapist, fam, and friends. They all agreed, if this is what I needed to do to help me heal, then go for it with heart and truth. I honestly do not get why he thinks anyone in their right mind would want to be apart of his derranged way of life or try to be. This is about me, not him...somehow he still finds away to make this all about Matt and to prove he is the bigger asshole. Recently, I was finally feeling really good about myself, healing, and good about my efforts to help others like me with the project. Only now, I am afraid and feel like I took steps back wards into my hole of darkness an despair. Im trying to be the stronger person here, not hate, and learn to forgive. I give up. You win Matt. I hope you are happy now. Do you feel like a real man now..........
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 17:43:24 +0000
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