Before I begin this long post I am shouting out a Happy Veterans Day to all the soldiers out there! As well as a Happy Veterans Day to you all. đđēđ¸â¤ī¸ As you know, I keep it real on my page and Im pretty much an open book. At times Im prolly a little more open then I should be, but thats all I know and how I know to be. So some things I may say here, just remember Im not relating them to anyone elses experiences, I can only share and speak from my own. Not saying you may understand, but maybe 1 will, or 2, or maybe none at all. Maybe its just a way for me to get it out and reflect on my situation and my life and in the hopes of doing so that others may have a better understanding. When I met my husband, which was 7 years ago, online (lol) yes we did meet on a site on the internet. He was currently stationed in Germany and just got back from deployment. I was in a miserable situation with Dylans biological father and he came in my life and wiped away the tears, got me out of a miserable situation and made it a fairy tale. So I thought. This was in the beginning. Its always puppy love, in the beginning, ya know butterflies and feeling tingly everywhere yet your so in love. I was young, he was young. We were just free, young and madly in love. Well that was me and my husband at one point in time. I had Dylan and Carly was not in the picture yet, Dylan was about 1 1/2 almost 2 years old, all was good in the world. We were all happy for the most part. All was perfect. As hard as it was, he stayed stationed in Germany for quite some time and I stayed behind here with Dylan. We finally decided after talking for several months to meet up and he would come here and I would pick him up at the airport. Everyone thought I was insane. I wasnt, I was just madly in love with the person I knew would be my soulmate. So we met, it was around Christmas, we spent Christmas together and all was just like a fairy tale. He went back to Germany and we continued seeing each other as much as we could. Taking planes back and forth every couple months and talked daily on the phone, text, computer, webcam and through letters. We knew we were going to make this work, no matter how hard it was, we were bound and determined. I took a trip to Germany for his army ball (photo below) and it was the first ever I had ever taken a plane and for 9 hours, alone, didnt know wth I was doing, but didnt care. I just knew I would be with him. That continued on for a long time. Several years. The flying back and forth to see each other. Shortly after that, we got married at a courthouse because he was still stationed in Germany so there was no hope for a big dream wedding like I always wanted. We made sure to get married so if he did get deployed, all we be taken care of. Then out of the blue he got called for yet another deployment and our world changed. I found out I was pregnant with Carly and shared the news with him and yet he told me hes getting deployed over the phone. My heart sank and I knew it would be even 100 times harder now. We would always tell each other we had a love like Bonnie and Clyde and as hard as the deployments, military life, being away from each other, not knowing when you would get a phone call or if you did, not knowing if you would ever see each other again, we never gave up on each other. He was deployed to Iraq, I had Carly and yes he was bound and determined to do all he could do to be here for her birth. Which he was. It was for 5 days I think, but we were just grateful they let him take his leave to be here for the birth of his daughter. Shortly after he was sent back to Iraq and I was left here to care for a newborn baby and another child on my own while my husband is away fighting a war. It is the hardest thing ever, to be a military wife. Waiting for that phone call, waiting for a letter or email. Sometimes weeks would go by and nothing. Waiting and wondering for a man to show up at your door giving you the news that will slowly rip your heart out and your world would crumble. Its a hardship for all involved. Imagine how he felt, but we made it through it all and now he is us army retired, out, done and safe at home. Being out is another story. One that has a Darkside that Im not going to reflect on so much. Struggles mentally, physically, emotionally sometimes I dont even know why were still together. Why I stay around, why he stays. Why dont we both call it quits and go about our own lifes. Why I bother. Thats kinda where Im at right now and Im sure where he is. War changes someone and all you can do is do the best to support them, but if the best I have has already been given, whats next? I dunno. Ill never understand what he went through and what still haunts him daily, but I do know one thing, I do know I love him and will continue to do so. Today usually people celebrate, but him, no. He leaves and stays miserable and chooses to do so. We had plans for today, like every year on Veterans Day, but he still remains to be sad, hurt, mad, pained and stays away on days like today. I truly will never understand why. I wish I could, but I will never know why. All I can do is continue to love him and support him even on days like this, but then again why should I be the one left hurting? Ill never understand. Ever. Thats ok with me though for some reason. Im still gonna wish him a Happy Veterans Day because its the right thing to do. I just go back to that happy place where we once were.
Posted on: Tue, 11 Nov 2014 18:42:34 +0000
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