Being here at the beach for Christmas has been truly wonderful for the entire family. Ive never in my life had four consecutive days of perfect beach weather and total beach bumming. Feeling blessed. I am aware that many of my FB friends in or near my age bracket have lost parents in 2014 and are likely experiencing a range of emotions similar to mine. Some were closer to a parent than others, but I have learned a few important things from this experience: 1). never assume that the age of a person or the fullness of life they may have experienced in ANY way minimizes the pain of loss to their loved ones (it may to some, but one cant assume). Those words are not particularly comforting I now know 2). that grief is a very individualized process...some experience it best through expression, others through silence. Both/either are fine. 3). that outward expression of grief simply makes some people uncomfortable---uncomfortable enough to directly tell others its time to get over it or move on in an attempt to STOP the outward expression. 4). that Ill never get over it, I hope I dont, and in reality....most people never do. Standing on the beach today, I remember the first--and every childhood trip to the beach--was with my Daddy and sister. He held my hand and explained to me about the undertow. Feeling the undertow under my feet today--I remember him. He showed me the tiny clams as they wash ashore with each wave, and how they immediately burrow back into the sand. I watched those today, but by myself, and I remember him. I look at Ben--a Junior in high school--and know how Daddy wanted to watch him walk across that graduation stage as a victor over debilitating stereotypes about Autism...and I remember him. I dont approve of FB rants, dont like to see them from anyone, and this is the closest I will ever come. I have learned much through this process about the human condition, as have many of you in your loss. Knowing what to say is difficult--and I have been comforted by so many. And I have also learned important lessons about what NOT to say, and to recognize all have a very different lens and process. I dream about him every night lately, and in every dream, hes still alive and this whole idea that he is gone was just a huge misunderstanding..then I wake up in the middle of the night over and over and realize hes really gone. Anyone else experience this for so long?
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 23:51:08 +0000
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