Being someone who has had a life long battle of addiction and bipolar-depression disorder, the passing of Robin Williams has shaken me to the core. . . Though I didnt know him personally, I did get the chance to meet him one night when he came into, my then local spot, Birds. He literally walked right up to me, smiled, and introduced himself, as he was looking for a mutual friend of ours. . . It was a quick introduction, along with a shared laugh, and a moment I will always remember fondly. The thing about bipolar-depression is that there is no rhyme or reason, its never one thing that causes it, it is simply an uncontrollable overflow of melancholy and a deep rooted sadness, that at times feels crippling. You can be surrounded by friends and loved ones and feel absolutely and totally alone. . . How can you explain the depths of your pain when, you yourself dont know why or where it is coming from. No matter the friends and family whom support you, you still dont want to be the debbie downer, for after a time people grow tired of it, they become frustrated and bitter, so you hide the pain you feel inside. . . You, try hard to isolate yourself from your sadness as well as the world, and when you cant do that you self Medicate, in hopes of numbing the pain, or put on the happy mask, so the world doesnt get the chance to judge you. There are people out there who actually get angry with you, for being depressed as they see it as a way of getting attention, or get frustrated because they cannot help or fix you. As the years go by, you learn how to mask and overcompensate the feelings of absolute sadness with humor. For me, it is usually during my darkest and bleakest of times, I am the most hyper, and overly happy. . . You become a master at attempting to push people a way, or worse you dont allow people to really get to know you, because you loath who you feel you are deep inside. You keep people at arms length because you fear that once they see the darkness within you, they will run for the hills. . . If your strong minded, like me, and suffer from depression, you fight tooth and nail, going to extremes to deny it, as I refuse for it to define me. . . I have found myself wishing and praying that I wasnt so sensitive, and acutely aware of my feelings and emotions, which is why I love to read, write and act, for my art is the only way that I can express myself and release some of what I am feeling in a constructive way, as apposed to self destructive. . . Its a vicious cycle, and being that I refuse to live on meds, its a cycle and battle that is a part of my life, for which I do my best to control. . . My heart goes out to Robins family and friends. . . He seemed a raw, honest, sensitive, caring, high energy, full of life and emotional being. A heart and soul, whos incredible talent left a mark on the world and in our hearts, forever. . . . Robin Williams the man and his deep and colorful characters remind us that we are all connected, we are all souls searching for love and understanding. Wether he was playing an alien discovering earth and the sometimes ridiculous ways of humans, a child in a grown mans body, a therapist, a doctor fighting for his patients, an inspiring teacher, mentor, or a father who dressed up like a nanny, or the father who would go to the ends of heaven and earth for his wife, and kids, or the nights when he took the stage and shared the musings of life, Robin, was sharing intimate sides of himself with the world, he did so with HEART, PASSION AND AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE HUMAN CONDITION, making us feel as though we knew him, though I am sure no one really did. . . . . Robin, you will forever be in our hearts, and I hope you have found the Peace you couldnt seem to find here on earth. Love and Light!
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 18:37:00 +0000
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