Being transparent...pray for me. I came a cross a journal from 2001. I have said time and time again that my moms death was the beginning of me living life. Sometimes it takes death to bring closure and healing to shattered relationships. My grandma use to say, wherever you find death, you will surely find new life......Grandmother was so right..... On Oct 18, 2001 I wrote in my journal......My whole world feels like it is crashing in. Levi asked Boomer to move his car from blocking the driveway so that I could be on time for work. Instead of moving his car he attacked Levi. Wow. The thing that hurts most is that my mom made me feel like it was my fault and that he was right and had not done anything wrong. That was the day my mom and uncles relationship was torn; it was also the day that my mom became estrange from us, by her own choice. It was hard watching my mother and uncle who were inseparable turn into rivals. There were no more happy family gatherings and they were strangers to one another. Eventually this venomous person began to try and poison my mother against me. In some areas he succeeded, but what he did not realize is that the God I serve is far more powerful than the one he served. You know the saying absence makes the heart grow founder. When I married and moved to the Bay things began to be good between me and my mom. She missed me. I learned somethings from that relationship. 1. I will never be desperate enough to except Nothing as a mate. 2. Heartache and stress can and will kill you. 3. No matter the mistakes you make with your children, there is something about a childs love for their mother, nothing and no one can stop them from always loving them, wanting to protect them and take care of them. 4. God will always have the last word and final say no matter what. You will reap what you sow. On Oct 18, 2012 I was ironing my clothes preparing to go meet with mortuary to began making arrangments for my mom so that when her time came to leave me it would be out of the way. While ironing this hateful person pushed the ironing board into me and began to talk crazy to me. For a minute I thought I was Pennys mom from Good Times and somebody was about to get burnt. As I began to raise the iron, a peace came over me and I said these words, you may have others afraid of you but I am not. I have someone who can handle you. He said call him, and thats what I did! I began to call on Jesus....I began to speak in tongues and then I said to him....the law is for the lawless and I called the police. Sadly, my mother passed away at 11:58, 2 hours and 58 minutes later. For over a year I have been carrying the guilt that if I would have just done nothing my mom would still be here. Amazing how low down and dirty the devil is. While most thought it wonderful the way I cared for my mom, most dont know the private hell I endured and the many darts and arrows that were shot at me. I was talked about, lied on and people even stole insurance policies and tried to liquidate my mothers bank accounts. I was her only child yet, those whom I thought I would be my rock were making feel like I was a stranger overseering someones affairs. When I woke up Thursday morning my spirit said you are no longer in survival mold you are living. I turned on the radio and Moment 4 Life was playing...there is an awesome story behind that song and my mommy and I. Its been a hard year, but things are so wonderful now in every area of my life just about....God is still working some things out. Its funny how things happen; I have plenty of journals and for about 2 weeks this particular journal has been standing out amongst the others but I never touched it. This evening while cleaning Lauryns room it was in the middle of her floor. I picked it up and threw it on my bed. I popped in the DVD of my mom and as it was ending I opened my journal.....first I read about Kingdom Life and on the next page was that entry. Conclusion, I believe in my heart that my mom could have won this battle she was fighting with cancer and in the beginning she wanted to. The problem was that she had death living in her home. I watched....the more she longed for this person to have empathy for her, the sicker she became. My poor mom, when she realized that she needed to be rid of him, it was too late, she had lost all of her strength to fight and I believe that she felt like it would be easier to die than to have to confront this person. The other thing was that she was so worried about how he might retaliate against us that she begged us to leave him alone and that is what we did. My mom who had such strong faith for everybody just didnt have enough for herself when it came to believing that God would handle everything ic she would just make the initial move. On October 18, 2001 death to the family I knew happened and the road to a new family began and on October 18, 2013 my mom left us through death, but life was brought back to the family I knew and it also marked the beginning of a life free from pain and bondage. Mommy thank you for living your life with no regrets and for introducing me to Jesus at the age 9. Im still loving Him and He is the head of my life. The joy of the Lord is my Strength.
Posted on: Mon, 18 Nov 2013 04:20:31 +0000
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