Beyond my personal response – ability to who and how I am walking on the earth… I have discovered a dormant and strong aspect of human expression which belongs to all of us and that is social response – ability. How often do we look away whilst a wrong is committed? We are reluctant to challenge lazy, messy, ugly and dishonouring behaviour “it is not my place” you say in your head…. Then, I ask, respectfully, with strong intent, “who’s place is it?” I remember being present in the room whilst visiting a couple, the woman was watching music television and saw a very alluring American African and she commented on how attractive she found him, it was playful and not serious at all. Her partner slipped into a jealous rage and called her all sorts of colourful things, standing over her, his posture was intimidating… I was not impressed, he was a very big man, a bear…. My husband (at the time) looked deeper into the newspaper he was reading… Glaring at him with all the force of Kali Ma billowing out of me, I said “don’t you dare speak to her like that” he turned to me, still in fury, and said “ keep your nose out of this, (colourful language), this is none of your business!!” I did not remove my glare and said very clearly and deliberately “if you speak to her like that in front of me, you make it my business” He turned to my then husband and said “Control your woman”, my x looked at him, put his hands up in the air and said, “I have never been able to control her and I am not about to start now.” I didn’t know if I was happy that he did not feel bullied into ‘controlling me’ or disappointed that he did not stand up to his bullying, I guess that is man’s business. He told me later that he was terrified he would have to fight him to protect me, and I guess that is understandable. I urge us all to challenge poor behaviour, but, please do not place yourself in danger like I did, I had a fire in me that took all rational fear away from me at that time, but, if you have the opportunity to address such behaviour with the person, in another place, at another time, less emotionally charged, why not? Surely your commitment to a friendship with someone who chooses to behave like that, can be challenged, and if need be, gladly lost.
Posted on: Mon, 01 Jul 2013 00:41:57 +0000
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