Bill Gates died and, much to everyones surprise, went to Heaven. When he got there, he was met by Saint Peter. Saint Peter said, Your paperwork seems to be in order. And with a background like yours, youll be getting a plum job assignment. Job assignment? Of course. Did you expect to spend the rest of eternity sitting on your backside and drinking ambrosia? Heaven is a big operation. You have to pull your weight around here! Your job will be to supervise Heavens new data processing center. Were building the largest computing facility in creation. Half a million computers connected by a multi-segment fiber optic network, all running into a back-end server network with a thousand CPUs on a gigabit channel. Fully fault-tolerant. Fully distributed processing. The works. Bill could barely contain his excitement. Wow! What a great job! This is really Heaven! Saint Peter said, Would you like to go see the center now? You bet! Saint Peter and Bill caught the shuttle bus and went to Heavens new data processing center. It was a truly huge facility, a hundred times bigger than the Astrodome. Workmen were crawling all over the place, getting the miles of fiber optic cables properly installed. But the center was dominated by the computers. Half a million computers, arranged neatly row-by-row, half a million .... .... Macintoshes .... .... all running Claris software! Not a PC in sight! Not a single byte of Microsoft code! The thought of spending the rest of eternity using products that he had spent his whole life working to destroy was too much for Bill. What about PCs??? he exclaimed. What about Windows??? What about Excel??? What about Word??? Youre forgetting something, said Saint Peter. Whats that? asked Bill plaintively. This is Heaven, explainedBill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, Welcome Mr. Gates, weve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. Youve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since youve got me in a good mood, Ill be generous and give you a choice of three places in which youll be locked up forever. Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says Ill take this option. Fine, says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. Lucifer: That was Bill Gates! Why did you give him the best place of all? Satan: Thats what everyone thinks! Lucifer: What about the PC? Satan (laughing): Its got Windows 95! And its missing three keys! Lucifer: Which three? Satan (screaming): Control, Alt and Delete! Saint Peter. We need a computer system thats heavenly to use. If you want to build a data processing center based on PCs running Windows, then ... GO TO HELL!
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 00:17:58 +0000