Blind Date A few years ago, I bought hair remover from the supermarket. The tube said that it would do a clean-cut job of doing its job. And I needed to remove, without a trace, my floor-length beard before it was mistaken for my pubic hair. I thus applied the cream with the spatula it came with. Then, following instructions on its tube, I used the same spatula to scrape off the cream after 5 minutes. According to the packet, my hair was supposed to ‘come away’ with the removed cream. Alas, nothing happened. I still had more hair on my face than Moses in The Bible. So I decided to apply the cream anew, this time a lot more. Again, I decided to leave it there for double the time I did before. This way, I would surely remove my unwanted facial hair. However, it was late so I dozed off with the cream still on my beard. About an hour later, I sprang off my bed. My chin was on fire, so I instinctively grabbed a towel. And then I wiped off all the cream with it. Moments later, I was washed my face too. Then I slept, still with more beard than face on my face. But in the morning, the facial hair started coming off. I was ecstatic. So I started singing in the shower like Mariah Carey since I no longer looked like Mariah Hairy. After bathing, I toweled off my face first and then took care of the rest of me. When I was done, I looked into the mirror and immediately noticed how surprised I looked. Yet I had no reason to be. So I stepped closer to the mirror and….I noticed something very disturbing: My eyebrows were gone! Where were my eyebrows??!!?? After my initial perplex, I realized that there had still been hair remover on the towel when I wiped my face. Hence my eyebrows ended up on my towel as I stood there looking wide-eyed, without so much as a Ciao from a departed eyebrow. I looked ridiculous. My eyes were huge, like I was wearing magnifying lenses. Yet I had a date to go on that day. I didn’t know the lady. Weeks before, I had called the customer service of some telecom company and she picked my call. Then our auditory chemistry kicked in. All told, all I knew about her was that she was a virtuoso of the telephone call. Indeed, her voice on the phone was a silken caress of my acoustic awareness. My ears would expand to studio headphones when I talked to her. That way I could get an earful of her tuneful voice. It fluttered upon the wings of love, that lovely voice. She seemed to like my baritone voice, too. Otherwise she wouldn’t have consented to a blind date with me. Anyway, I couldn’t cancel our scheduled lunch date; eyebrows or no eyebrows. We had really planned this day out. Besides, there was a plus to this mishap: when I said ‘Wow…you are so beautiful!!’ she’d believe it since my eyes were now twin editions of an exclamation point. I took a seat at a restaurant. Then I looked out for the lady in an all red dress, the kind she said she’d wear so I could spot her. Suddenly, that’s when I spotted her. And she spotted me, eyes bulging out of their sockets. Then she walked over to where I sat. As soon as she stretched out her hand to say Hi, my hairline became my new eyebrows as my eyes hit the roof of my forehead. Yes, I was in shock. In fact, I was in utter fear. I mean, the babe’s nightmarish looks belonged to a scary bedtime story. And her mustache and beard were like frightening special effects. As soon as she smiled at me, her face, and limbs painfully crunched. Then her skin bubbled as it grew hairy fur and elongated, and her jaws developed into blood-dripping fangs. On a sudden, a piano screeched loudly in the background as I got a distinct sense that I was in a horror movie. No doubt, I was the black dude that would die first. As my face was contorted in fear, I noticed that she too got scared of my facial expression!! Basically, we both wished this blind date had left us blind because we couldn’t stand what we saw of one another. So slowly, then quickly, we both hightailed it out of there!
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 04:18:59 +0000
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