Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him Do you want - TopicsExpress

Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him Do you want the winner of the next race? Paddy replies No tanks, Ive only got a small garden. A coach load of paddy’s on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going. The driver won £52!!! Paddys racing snail is not winning races anymore. So he decided to take-off its shell to reduce its weight and to make it more aerodynamic. It didnt work, if anything it made it more sluggish. Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says Ive just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb. The operator asks, Is it tickin? Paddy says, No I tink its beef The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and theyre going to drill for their own oil. Paddy says to Mick Christmas is on a Friday this year Mick says Lets hope its not the 13th. Paddys in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. Did you find the shampoo? Paddy says Yes but its for dry hair and Ive just wet mine. Paddy and Mick found three hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station. Mick says What if one explodes before we get there? Paddy replies Well lie and say we only found two! Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. I think its got epilepsy he tells the vet. Vet takes a look and says It seems calm enough to me. Paddy says Wait ‘til I’ve taken it out of the water!”. Paddy spies a letter lying on the doormat. It says on the envelope DO NOT BEND . Paddy spends the next two hours trying to figure out how to pick the letter up. Paddys dog goes missing and hes inconsolable. His wife says Why dont you put an advert in the paper. He does but two weeks later the dog is still missing. What did write in the ad?” his wife asks. Here Boy! he replies. Paddys in jail. The Guard looks in and sees him hanging by his feet. What the hell are you doing? he asks. Hanging myself, Paddy replies. It should be round your neck says the Guard. I know says Paddy But I couldnt breathe. An American tourist asks Paddy Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boat? Paddy replies If they fell forward, theyd still be in the boat.

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