Borrowed information that I feel a need to share...Information below taken from No Nonsense Self Defence We all have our own issues..face up to them and dont become a blamer. Accept responsibility for your own actions and live life peacefully and happily. How many times have you heard someone who said something that is mean, vindictive and hurtful justify it with a comment hurtful or directing blame to the recipient? Blame is like anger in that it dulls one sense of empathy. It allows a person to act in a hurtful way to another human being. It isnt the act itself, but it often clears the road. Most people have inhibitions that serve as a buffer against what we know is bad behavior. Blame is not the act itself, but it either erodes or outright removes these inhibitions, often both . It develops a thought pattern that allows the persons emotions to override his/her self-control in order to achieve an often selfish end. The kind of mindset that so quickly adopts blame as a defensive posture for emotional/ego protection is exactly the same one that will put you in front of physical danger. It is not uncommon for people who engage in blaming behavior to also engage in selfish behavior. And as long as they are getting benefit from it, whether monetary, emotional, comfort, entertainment or psychological stability, they will continue to engage in those actions. But realize that most of the time the person is too busy doing the behavior to see their actions in this context. When negative consequences result, it is always someone or something elses fault. This is where the blame process kicks in, instead of taking responsibility for his/her action that had unintended consequences, the blamer begins to find reasons why he/she should be excused from the repercussions. Repercussions that the blamer doesnt believe he/she deserved. (Being judgmental of both self and others is common among blamers). People who blame others tend to overemphasize themselves while at the same time underemphasizing the negative effects of their actions. A person doesnt have to be dysfunctional to blame others, often it just boils down to plain old lazy and selfish. . Like violence, it seems that many peoples definition of selfish is any level of behavior that is beyond what I am comfortable using to make another person feel responsible for my actions. We all make selfish, self-serving and lazy decisions now and then. Welcome to being human. However, blamers have a consistent pattern of making lots and lots of these kinds of short-term decisions. And yes, many of these people have self-esteem issues (issues that are reinforced by their behaviors). Their actions tend to revolve around either bolstering themselves or deflecting any negative consequence/idea that could further threaten that self-esteem. A good way to understand how blame works is that such people have cause-and-effect radar that only works one way. The only things that register are how something affects them and their feelings -- which they use to justify their actions. What isnt picked up is how their behaviors or words affect others -- or how they are coming across to others. Some people dont realize they are blaming. They dont know that they are doing it because it seems logical and normal, however, it brings you short term benefits. It isnt until you step outside this frame of reference that you will notice the imbalance in the flow of cause and effect. The fact is that a blaming lifestyle can put you into a downhill slide. 5% of people (known to the blamer) are not as self-centered as the blamer, but doesnt let the blamer get away with his/her selfish behavior. The next 10% of the people they are going to be dealing with are people who are as selfish as themselves. The next 5% are only a little bit more selfish (or are perhaps better at it than they are). Given these numbers about 75% of the population is basically going to be background color and noise to these folks. The last 5% arent just more selfish than the blamer, they are human predators. A good number of them have many of the same traits as the blamer, but taken to a dangerous extreme That 20% however, is the blamers bread and butter. These are the people who provide for the trauma-drama in the blamers life. They are the ones who not only will provide the blamer opportunity blame, but the blamer will actively seek them out. Good Morning, everyone...sorry the status is so long but it is just parts from, No Nonsense Self Defense...worth the read...have a nice day my friends :)
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 12:57:45 +0000