Boys the new year was some hanlin in our house. What? Ah, dont be talking. Oh aye bay God. The new year, was in our house, what they said about the poor auld Titanic,when she went down, a night to remember On the last day of the year, the 17 of us would be up at four oclock in the morning. Take her out! my grandfather would roar and the 17 of us would carry the big, beige sofa out to the middle of the street. Commence cleaning! my father would gulder and the 17 of us would swarm over the sofa with soap, water, brillo pads, combs, tweezers, bisums, knives and forks and anything we could get our hands on. In the kitchen my mother and grandmother would be baking, frying, boiling, roasting and-ah, cooking. Aye, cooking. We would have an early dinner at half past seven in the morning. Carry the big sofa back into the house, sit on it and wait with excitement mounting for the new year. At five minutes to midnight, my father and grandfather would leap, oh aye, theres no other word for it. They would leap out of the scullery and bellow. Get up yiz shower of lazy bastards and greet the new year. Both men would be stark bollik naked. Around their waists they would have a hanging curtain make from grass, dockens, auld newspaper, bailing wire, barbed wire and twisted sheeps wool. This was a sign for unrestrained buck leaping from the 17 of us. Oh, we were great buck leapers. We would kick the arse of ourselves. After five or six hours of that, my grandfather would gulder. Stap. Cease. Desist. As you were. Back to the sofa and do full justice to the first meal of the new year. And if any of youse arse holes gets crumbs on the good, clean sofa, bay God I will split youse with a bill hook. Oh aye! The new year. Sure you couldnt beat it. What? Ah, dont be talking.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 17:51:07 +0000
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